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Admiration: Tohru and Katara [Closed]
The adjusting was difficult, the knowing that she was surrounded by people she didn’t know was also difficult, but the ship began to grow on her. After briefly speaking with Katara and the two, younger, girls from the day before had helped her enormously. The questions about Kyo hit her heart hard, but she wanted to just keep going as she usually did. She did her best to overcome her own emotions and to keep smiling when and where she could. She was quiet for the most part. She didn’t want to bother anyone. They all looked so busy and hardworking; she didn’t want to be a burden. The previous day, after speaking with Katara, she agreed to meet with her again. Walking quickly, so she wouldn’t be late, to the Statuary. The room was a bit spooky. Walking through the lanes of stone faces all them with a phrase or some on them. Looking at the faces with curiosity, she wondered what they all had to do with this place.
She continued to walk, looking at the face, hardly paying attention to some but others catching her interest. They were in a bizarre stance or had a strange look to them, thought she wasn’t one to talk, but each of them was beautiful in their own way. Pausing a moment in her short journey, one catching her eye. She stood in silence and admired the statue’s face and features. She hardly noticed if there was another person around or if they came into the large room. She just stood in silent admiration.
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Making her way to the Statuary, she lingered here a little, looking at a certain statue that she knew to be the one she was missing. She opened her hand a moment and put it around the statue's hand and closed her eyes. It didn't happen often, that she lingered about the statue, but when she thought of him in times like this, her heart hurt, and she couldn't pretend anything was all right.
She sighed and moved away, hoping no one saw her, and then started to look around. "Tohru? Are you here?"
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Going by her side, Tohru smiled softly and asked her “Are you okay, Katara-dono?” Her voice sounded concerned and worried. She hardly knew the girl, yet she still showed concern for her like she would anyone that she knew well. Katara did the same for her; she wanted to be able to do the same in return for her. She was happy to have her as a new friend. Tohru found herself to be blessed with making new friends quite easily.
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"I'm all right," Katara said, a soft smile on her face. It wasn't a happy smile, more of one that was simply remembering times that she used to have. "I'm just remembering someone from back home. It hasn't been easy for me either. This is...a statue of him."
She looked up at the statue of Aang, the way he looked now, older but still determined, strong.
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Looking at the statue of the boy beside her, she smiled as she removed her hand and nodded lightly. “I hope I get to meet him one day. It’ll be lovely to meet him.” She knew the girl was being strong. It was written clearly written in her eyes and over her face. “It’s going to be okay Katara-dono.” This could haveve been the reason why she was called here to see her, which was perfectly fine for Tohru. She would do everything within her power to help her.
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"I know him in my world," Katara said. "He's the Avatar, and his job is to protect the people of my world from war, and to preserve our ways. I was the first person to actually release him after he'd been asleep for a hundred years. He cares about me...and he's here, on this ship, protecting us now."
She turned red. "Um, sorry for talking your ear off about it. It's just...been a sensitive subject for me."
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“I don’t mean to pry, but what is the Avatar?” There was no such thing in her world. If there was, she certainly never heard of it. Of course, she never heard of the Souma family curse either until she fell on Kyou-kun by accident or caused him to turn into a cat. She smiled again, a bit more gently and a kindly and said in a soft tone “Kyou-kun was like that. He protected me from a lot of things in my world too. So did Yuki-kun and my friends.” She chuckled softly, remembering them all, remembering their scents, their smiles, their smiling, happy faces. Everything about them she knew and loved. “I know I’ll see them again.” She nodded, she wasn’t fully at terms with Kyou not being in her life at all times at the moment, but she steadily came to the realization that if she didn’t see them here, than surely she would see them again in the afterlife.
It was a somber thought, really, but it was happy too. If not now later then, right? She didn’t want to let them go and it was going to take a while longer to be able to let go of everything that she knew. She loved Kyou and it would take a while to adjust. She was still having trouble talking about him. She felt a lump build up in her throat and her stomach fluttering with butterflies just at the mention of his name. It must’ve been hard for Katara as well. She had family and friends that she had back at home that she missed as well.
She admired the strength that Katara had at such a young age. It sort of reminded of herself, in a way. When she lost her mother, she made herself smile again in less than three months. “You know…” Tohru chuckled, “You sort of remind me of myself. In my world, three months before I started high school, my mother was killed in an accident. I had to stay strong for the rest of my family and for everyone else that I knew. You’re very strong person Katara-dono, you should be proud of yourself.”
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Katara gave her an approving smile. "I think you'll see them too. I didn't know if I'd ever see my friends, but Zuko, Mai, my brother Sokka, they all wound up here too! Tohru, I know it just sounds like a dumb excuse to you, but I believe that we're here to help each other besides just fighting. Because of that, I don't see how you would be left alone."
Katara shrugged. "Tohru, I've been in wars, I've risked life and limb many times. Strength comes from dealing with things like that, but inner strength is most important. When you're here, in a place where you have to abandon everything you know, family and friends are very important. But I'm glad I remind you of you. A lot has happened to you, and you;'re still trying to smile."
But she hoped Tohru understood she didn't have to smile with her all the time.
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There was moment of silence when Tohru stopped to think “I do hope that I see them again.” She paused, “I don’t know though. Kyou-kun ran away the last time I saw him…I don’t want him to run away again. When I see him, I have to smile for him. If I don’t…everything will change.” She felt that pain of guilt and shame build up in her chest, putting her hand over her heart a moment to make sure it was still there. Well…she knew it was there just to make sure it was working correctly, or that it hadn’t ripped into pieces. She knew that wasn’t possible, it was still good to check to make sure. She didn’t want to have a ripped heart. That would be chaotic and lead to health problems, she would believe.
After a moment of silent debate about the heart issue, she turned to her and smiled gently. This poor girl, in wars at such a young age? What sort of world did she come from exactly; she didn’t want to press on that subject just yet. That would be rude of her. “I’ve never been in war. I’ve been in a few fights…indirectly.” She remembered the times when Yuki and Kyou would fight, or the time when Kyou and Hatsuharu would fight. She was necessarily involved with the actual hitting, more like trying to get between them even though she could have gotten seriously hurt. “I hardly have any inner strength when it comes to things like that. I’m quite pathetic; really, I know I have a better life than a lot of people.”
In truth, she was nothing like any of her friends or family. Majority of them were well trained martial artists or they had strong, physical strength or like Hana-chan that had her electric waves. She never wished for power or strength, she thought that sort of stuff was a bit meaningless. Power never made anyone happy. It only made people suffer more than they needed to. “I have to smile though…” her voice was soft and gentle, “If I don’t…who will smile for them when they’re in pain?” By “they” she meant the Soumas. They had such horrible, emotionally difficult pasts that if she didn’t smile for them then they would suffer. She wanted to make them happy.
This was almost a selfish feeling she had. She wanted to make them happy. She knew she could, though she sometimes had difficulty believing that she could.
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It was strange to say it aloud like that. She'd not even said anything like that to Carol, why would she to this girl? But that was something they'd had in common even if Tohru didn't show it: someone messed with their histories.
"This Kyo," Katara said, "You say that he ran away. Why would he do that? I thought I heard you say its because he's afraid. If that was true, I know that he would get over it and come back to you. It's just a feeling that I have. I don't think he would meet a girl like you and then run away. It's just my opinion, and I just met you, but I think if he's known you longer than I have, he wouldn't stay away. He'll find a way to find you."
Katara sighed. "War isn't something we get to escape. To the people that persecute us, anywhere, there can only be two reactions: stand and fight, or run away, and all running away does is make another day that people can come along and make you do what they want. A long time ago, I decided I would stop running. But that's inner strength too, and I don't know if I'd say you don't have any. If someone were hurting a person you'd care about, you're not the type to stand and do nothing."
Katara said that as a matter of fact. She didn't believe that of Tohru for a second. She gently took Tohru's shoulder. "Believe me, I know what it means to have to smile for other people. In my group, I had to look after my group, even if a few of them are older than me. That comes with being who I am though: I could never let people I care about stay in pain, or suffer silently. But don't do that at the expense of you being by yourself in pain. For the people who love you and care about you, that's not a price they're willing to pay."
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“I almost had my memories erased once…” she smiled sadly, “My friend’s cousin has the ability to suppress memories and I found about something about their family they didn’t want anyone to ever know. I was so scared that I’d lose their friendship. I asked him, if I did get my memories suppressed, if he would still be my friend.” She recalled the distant memory with a sad smile, but it brightened up as she chuckled lightly at her own words from back then wondering what Yuki-kun had been thinking when she said that. She remembered that after that she had to fix his tie because it was crooked and look a bit silly.
At first, she didn’t say anything at all about the subject. Mulling over the possible reasons why Kyou ran away from her, taking in a steady breath and then saying “I think…” she thought, “I think I made him sad.” She wasn’t completely sure why, but when she spoke about that last memory of Kyou and him running away from her, it was sad. It was terribly sad. Holding herself together, she took in a steady breath again to hold her composer. “He said he didn’t want to be disillusioned.” She remembered the words and how they were said, the way his eyes and face looked as he pulled away from her that day and when he ran away and left her there alone. She remembered Yuki-kun coming from the house to comfort her and then ran after Kyou. She stood there alone again and then Akito came from the side of the house, holding a knife a crying…
Shaking away the fuzzy and heart saddening memory, she smiled and said “Ehmm…I don’t know about that.” She chuckled, “If he does…I’ll be surprised.”
“I’ve never been in war.” She shook her head, “I don’t have sort of powers. Nor do I have any redeeming qualities of a fighter. I could hardly stand up to Akito-sama without my legs shaking. Or like that time I helped my friend Uo-chan. We just ran away it wasn’t much of anything.” She knew that she wasn’t a fighter, she was scared of anything like that and she’d apologize a thousand times for hurting anyone. Similar to the time she shoved Akito because Yuki-kun looked so scared and sad. She was so embarrassed but she had to do it. If she didn’t then Yuki-kun…she didn’t know what should have happened to him.
Shaking her head she chuckled and said “It’s not that I always have to.” She admitted, most of the time she did smile on her own will and not out of having to do something. “I smile because I want to.” She nodded, “There are times when we all have to smile and suffer alone. That’s just part of growing up.” She nodded her head a few times, “I like to smile. I like to be happy. Though, sometimes, it is hard.” She looked at the younger girl and smiled, “It’s just something strange that I like to do.”
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"It's a horrible thing to do," Katara said, her voice betrayed with passion. "They did it because he fought them, because he didn't want to be under their control, but they erased his memories so he would be quiet. I'll never forgive them for that." Her face, usually so full of good intentions, was a little cold now with barely contained anger.
She didn't want to ask the girl if she truly would have wanted her memories erased. She knew the answer. She could sense that whatever kind of family these Sohma were, they were a lot like how Aang and Sokka and Toph and Zuko were for her in her world.
Katara listened very carefully to what Tohru said, then looked at the girl dead in the eyes. "The problem isn't you, do you know that? The problem is him. The reason I know that is because I was in the position he was a little while ago, and Aang was you, making a difference in how he looked at things. But he was afraid, probably because of some things he still couldn't let go. He was disillusioned all right...because there are still things in him he didn't understand."
Katara listened to this part too. "Powers are things that are a part of a person, Tohru. They are wonderful abilities you should use wisely. But not everybody does that, and its because some people would rather use their abilities to take things from others, hurt them because they can. So you see, I'm not just talking about going off and punching a guy, I'm also talking about choosing to not do it and to try and help others. To do that requires inner strength, the ability to know the things that are right and the things that just make you worse. I think you have the former strength."
Here though, Katara didn't have any words. The look she gave Tohru was one of almost reverence, and realized what Tohru was: something she couldn't be anymore, a part of her was sad about that. Tohru was a genuinely good person, someone who's strength lay in actually changing others, in doing things to help make someone smile, and doing her best to make that happen.
"You know, you remind me of him, Aang."
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She had to be strong and wait. There was no other choice. She heard stories of the maidens that would wait until they died until their husbands would come back. Kyou-kun didn’t leave, he ran away because he misunderstood something, she supposed, but she loved him enough to let him go and for him to be happy without her. She knew it wasn’t going to make her happy. Just as long as he was able to smile and was able to be free, then she was happy. Her eyes fell to the younger girl again and listened to what she had to say. She couldn’t help but blush and wave her hands about frantically “I-I! EHMM!! Thank you! That’s very kind of you, Katara-dono, I-I really don’t have that sort of inner strength! I assure you! Thank you very much though!”
A thousand thoughts flew through her head at once. Her? Having any sort of inner strength?! That’s just a silly thought all together! Mentally, she just told herself that it wasn’t true even though she didn’t think that Katara wasn’t one to tell any sort of lie. “Eh…?” she caught her words a few moments after they were spoken. Blinking a few times, confused at how she could remind her of Aang, Tohru just smiled and chuckled softly. “Aang-san? Really?” she didn’t know him, but she tried to mentally picture how he would be seeing as she had a general idea of what he looked like because of the statue.
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Katara wouldn't sugarcoat what she thought of love, not for a second. She had seen all kinds of people in love on the ship, even love she'd never seen before. If there was one thing she knew, it was that the feeling was precious. "I'm not saying it because I just want you to feel good Tohru. I'm saying it because I believe it. But you need to believe it too, or you may as well be wasting it. You wouldn't waste something precious like that, would you?"
Here though, she nodded. "Yes. Aang is the type of person who cares more about others than for himself. With this war, with everything at stake, he still didn't want to kill. He believed so much in preserving life and people being happy, he would do whatever it took to make that happen."
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“My time with Kyou-kun was not a waste.” She said firmly in a bit of a shyer tone. She could be resilient, when she needed, and never would she call her time with Kyou a waste! “Even though I’m not with him and even though I am steadily letting him go, does not mean I believe that I have wasted my time with him.” She continued, “I love Kyou-kun. This is the best thing for us at the moment…” She blushed brightly, out of embarrassment of her sudden change in tone. She wasn’t going to let anyone think that about her or Kyou-kun. “Plus, Kyou-kun turned away from me.” That was a point that made her believe that Kyou-kun didn’t love her.
Waving her hands around again, she blushed brightly still, and spoke in a quick, stammering voice “T-Thank you! I’m very thankful that you see me that way! You’re a v-very nice person too, Katara-dono!” she complimented in return. It’s not that she had to compliment her. She wanted to. She was a kind person. She reminded her of Kagura-chan, in a way. She was strong willed, or she appeared to be that way, but she was kind like Kagura-chan was. Kagura never gave up, and Katara was in a war, then she was the same exact way that Kagura was. She loved Kyou too. She never gave up on Kyou. She loved him so much that it was impressive. Tohru was intimidated by Kagura a lot, worrying that Kyou loved her in return. If he was, she would be very happy for the two of them while she had a broken heart.
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Katara was not one for being wishy-washy when it came to love, especially not one all too similar to her own story. "If you really believe letting him go is the best thing, that you couldn't be with him even in god circumstances, you know more than I do. I'm younger than you, what do I know? But if even a part of you doubts that, if a apart of you knows that maybe your Kyo is still trying to understand what he wants, then you should know someway he'll come back to you. Love like that is a kind of destiny no one really understands."
Katara just nodded. "I've wandered around the world a little, Tohru. I've seen many things. And though I've been wrong before, I decide certain things on instinct. I know, because I've let my emotions sometimes cloud my true thoughts, that there are things I really want, but think I don't deserve. All that thinking will do is put you in a cage. If you love Kyou as much as you say, and you're not willing to let him go, then don't. He might be waiting to tell you he was wrong."
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This wasn’t going to be easy and it was going to be almost like holding onto the bond that she had with her mother. It was almost like, she pictured, taking a step backwards. She wanted to wait for Kyou-kun, she did, and she was going to, but…she didn’t know what was going to happen on this ship for the future. Maybe she would meet someone else, whom she hoped not to, and maybe be she would see Kyou-kun again. She didn’t know and to be dreadfully honest, she didn’t want to know. She would like the…reassurance or sign that she would see Kyou-kun again, but nothing was ever certain in any world. No future was ever concrete. Nothing would be and it would never be like that, ever.
“Do you know if there’s a kitchen on board?” she decided to change the subject, not wanting to dwell on something that could make her cry in a matter small seconds. It wasn’t a subtle change, nor was it a dramatic change; it was just a question that she had wanted to ask for some time. She wanted to bake something. Like a pie. She liked apple pie, with a lot of cinnamon. She would share with the rest of the crew members, but she really wanted to make it on her own.
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Not that seeing all these people be with the ones they loved made things easier for her. Of course she was happy for them, and glad that they found the person they cared for. But the longer she was without Aang, the worse the ache in her heart got. It kept her motivated, but it also made her lonely when she was by herself, when there was no one around to talk to and she felt like she was staring into an emptiness.
Katara was a little thrown off by the question though. "Um, I don't know about this place having an actual kitchen, but you can recreate one in the Sensoriums. If you want to get some kinds of foods, my suggestion would be going through a man named Lex Luthor. He usually has a way of getting things that are harder for other people."
She looked at the girl brightly. "I hope I was able to help you a little!"