trans_9 | Evening 001: The Hard Road

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Evening 001: The Hard Road

Arha sat in the observation deck, mulling over the work she had done with Obi-Wan, though they had finished for the day (and though she wanted to continue), she needed the reflection and review. The ball had not moved. Not even a hair. Not even less than a hair. She felt as if she had been pulled inside out, wrung like a Harkkonen water-towel, and her moisture set among the street women of Arrakeen. Tired was not adequate a description.

She was not even sure there was one.

But she sat, her back straight, and meditated on the day. Clarity would come in time, she supposed, but the attempts had left her with a strengthened sense of the Force itself. This was better than it had been the previous day. It would continue to become better as they days progressed, she would not leave herself any doubt in that. Only the fully committed would be honored with progress, all others would be abandoned to the fruitlessness. All things she had set her sights on she had accomplished through her own blood, through her own sweat, through her own error and trial.

Arha would not be discouraged.

The morrow would come and she would embrace it as fully as she had begun the day that was now at its close. She watched the colors swim, drew a breath in, and let it out once more. The motion made her less uneasy, now. She found that, too, acceptable.

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He was beginning to consider the course of action many took regarding the food here and eat in the Sensoriums; there at least, the tasteless glop would take on the appearance and flavor of a nerf steak, or something else that at least looked more appetizing. It was nutritious, and after a day (what he thought of as a day anyway) of going about his business, Luke often found himself quite hungry.

Wiping his mouth, the plantsuit absorbing whatever atoms of food he'd not cleaned off his face, Luke walked through the observation deck until suddenly he paused; the Force had rippled.

Go over there, it whispered to him. Luke turned, and saw a familiar head of red hair. The Force nudged him again.

Luke wove through the tables and seats and plopped down next to Arha. She looked worn. "Hello, Arha," he said kindly. "Everything all right?"

"Mm?" Her eyes opened as the meaty cushion gave a bit. As he sat, she brushed into him and blinked. "Long day. Long tomorrow." She blinked again and rubbed at her eyes with the palm of her hand. "I am beginning to thing that it shall be a very, very long year."

Her voice cracked and she frowned before making an effort to fix it. The difficulty lie in keeping her throat from becoming dry, which meant pulling water from elsewhere in her body and directing it to ease the roughness of her voice. That was annoyingly difficult when you felt as if your mind had been turned and stretched and used as someone else's hat.

"Your path will be harder than most," he said. "You might serve the Force, but you aren't born to it like we are." He was quiet a moment, then asked, with a little smile, "I take it that your lessons with Ben today didn't go as planned?"

"It went as well as I expected it to," she said dryly, half sprawling against the back of the meaty couch. "It was difficult, much as my efforts at prana bindu were once upon a time, but I did not give up then and I shall not give up now."

She stopped the yawn before it had a chance to express itself.

"If it were easy, there would be no reason to train. I prefer the path difficult. It suits my desert nature."

"And it's only through adversity that we truly learn, I think," Luke said, staring out at the swirling colors. "This was true of my own training. I had to be ready to take up the task I had to complete. Jedi principles don't come easy to a mind used to adventuring and dreaming of the future."

He smiled a little at her. "Don't despair. However daunting the task is, I know you're determined."

"I never despair," Arha mumbled. "That takes more energy than I am willing to part with." In fact, it was more energy than she literally possessed at this moment. She flicked a glance to the swirling colors and a slid a slow blink back to Luke.

"Every moment of this path is worth the next step forward," she said. "No matter how difficult." Arha paused and closed her eyes, letting her head loll against the back of the couch. "I shall never walk from this."

He watched her, calm. "Then you'll definitely succeed," he said. "If you continue to take the paths which are hardest to you. There is a dark side to the Force, the other side of the coin--it is easier to follow, more seductive."

Luke thought about the times when he'd walked that path. "You must not allow yourself to fall prey to it."

"These things that are easy are always seductive, but they give no pleasure," she said, her voice soft. "Pleasure comes in hard work, in the struggle, in the..." Arha took a breath and laughed faintly.

"In the learning," she said, her lips curling slightly into a hazy smile. "I love that the most. Learning. Always did."

"And you can't learn if you're falling asleep," Luke admonished gently. "Why don't you get some sleep? I know you don't like being so stationary, but you need to keep up your strength."

"Am sleeping," she murmured, propping herself up against him lazily. Half shut down, maybe a little more than half, Arha couldn't keep the yawn in. He was probably right (in fact, he was) and sleep was probably going to suck her under anyway. Which was terribly annoying.

And, if she thought about it long enough, embarrassing.

But she wasn't thinking about it.

He stayed quiet, not wanting to encourage Arha not to sleep. She was determined to learn their ways, set on becoming one of them despite her only access being so small compared to how a born-and-bred Jedi could touch the Force. It would be hard for her, a long and frustrating course fraught with dangers. She would need every moment of rest she could get--they all would, if Stacy was to be believed, and the Jedi Master saw no reason not to.

It was that, and a part of him with a voice that had been growing louder as of late told him not to move, that the desert warmth of her body against his side was a comfort against the pain of loss. When she'd released that fountain of energy while healing up Obi-Wan, for a few blissful, glorious moments, Luke had not felt so alone.

Of course, he knew it was absurd to think he was in the first place. A Jedi was never truly alone when they could touch the Force; they were connected to all living things and each other. Being in the presence of all life was a wonderful thing, but it never made up for the kind of loss experienced when someone you loved with your whole heart and being was taken from you. There was that severance of the bond and--

He swallowed, putting those thoughts away, and sending Arha the sense of comfort, calm; those things that would help slip her into sleep.

The nudge almost sent her over, but she hung onto the last little bit of consciousness, just enough to let her eyes slip closed. Just enough to stay there a little longer. It was the same as falling asleep in her cave, with a set of senses always aware for intruders. Luke's brush was met with a slight nudge of her own, filled with a quiet laughter and a don't think I don't know what that was that hummed for a moment.

Her fingers curled against his arm and she let out a soft grumble of a sigh.

Luke smiled. Defiant to the last, just like--

He paused, but that smile stayed on his lips, and getting comfortable himself Luke closed his eyes and started to drop into a meditative state, attune himself to the Force. But beside him, shining gently, was Arha's presence.

Eventually, John will learn that staring is inappropriate. Though what he's doing isn't exactly outright staring, it's more sitting in the observation deck and observing. Observing Arha more than than anyone else. Possibly because she reminds him a bit of Sheeana (who, in turn, reminds him of other people) and he's trying to pin down why.

Or maybe he's bored. That's also a strong possibility.

"Shall I turn a little to the left?" Arha murmured, raising her voice soslightly so that it would carry, flicking her eyes open to pin John Connor with a weary, though no less intense, stare. She deliberately made it seem as if she were examining his very soul, just because she felt like doing so.

"Maybe if I had a camera." Two weeks ago? He'd have the grace to be startled. But his dead father is wandering around the city so surprise is something his brain has (temporarily) forgotten how to manage. "You look tired."

Camera? To take a picture, yes. Of course.

"It has been a very long day," she said, blocking the yawn before it had a chance to form. Instead, she drew in a breath, letting a rush of oxygen in. It helped ease some of the tiredness. Not enough, but it would do.

"Only today? Sounds fortunate." He's probably teasing, Arha. "Do you know Sheeana?"

"Today, tomorrow. The rest of my days aboard this vessel, they shall all be as long as this one." She flicked her fingers lightly. "I am from the same Universe as her," Arha said. "We are acquainted, though we come from different times." More so than you would imagine.

"Mhm." An answer to both his questions, then. "What the hell are we all doing here, anyway?" Which is only...half-rhetorical. If she has an answer, he's interested in hearing it. "It's insane."

"Perhaps," Arha said carefully, ""each of us has a part to play in the madness we find ourselves in. Just as one needs ingredients to form a complex chemical reaction, so needed are people to execute some sort of plan. While I dislike being used, I am no stranger to such."

"Most everyone in the world is no stranger to it." Or in every world, pick one. "Doesn't mean any of us have to like it. Telling people what they're in for would probably be a better idea."

"I cannot presume to know the mind of this ship or what the real reason behind us is," she said softly. "But there are thousands of permutations when it comes to the reasons why we have not been informed. Better? I wish that was a reason for us to know the truth, sadly, it is not."

"Of course it isn't. But better is more than just what will please people; happier forces are able to do more, despite what desperation might drive the mind towards. I don't know, I'm arguing with the air, but I'm pretty frustrated with all this shit at this point." He shakes his head.

"All of us are," Arha said. "Perhaps we will, in time, be given more information. You must find a way to deal with your frustration until such time as we are better informed. Desperation is something that should be saved for the last stretch. We are not at that stretch yet."

This was the closest she could come to watching the stars. Which wasn't very close at all, but it was better than nothing. Fremen nature balked at being caged. She needed great vistas, dunes to tumble down, the clean and empty landscape. And above, stars twinkling.

So Sheeana often came here to star at them. She could piece together the landscape she knew by mentally combining this with the pool of sand her worm swam in.

Her eyes didn't remain on the stars for long though. In a corner was Arha, looking drained in a way that would be obvious even without her training.

Walking over, she knelt next to her. She didn't have her healing faculty but she could provide some small comfort. "What happened?"

"Mmmm," it took her a moment to twitch back the yawn. "Nothing happened and much did. The Jed-Eye is training me like a child learning prana bindu for the first time. It is taxing, just as prana bindu practice once was. That pinkie toe, always so stubborn. As a child it was my most difficult. This Force is my new pinkie toe, but, with much practice...it will come."

Her expression shifted wryly.

"Obi-Wan is a good mentor, exacting, but very good," she said, rubbing at her eyes with her palms. "If I am to learn this, he shall teach me to the finish. I will accept no less than to stay this course, Sheenana. There is something that tells me I must continue, for this is now where I must be."

"Then I am glad." She laid a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I have only one concern. What do you know of the Jedi view of morality?"

"Morally," Arha murmured, "I believe they see two sides. Their light and dark. I do not believe they see in grays. But," her eyes closed, "they have a different Universe. It is not the same as our own and their darkness wields the same, causes pain and suffering. I believe this darkness they speak of is uncontrolled chaos."

"Exactly." She whispered into her ear. "Uncontrolled chaos. The Tyrant...Leto...He spent three thousand years teaching us the value of that thing, correcting Muad'dib's mistake. I believe in our Jed-eye. They are good people ~~and adorable too~~ but I also believe in the Golden Path."

"Completely uncontrolled chaos does no one good," she said gently. "Golden Path be what it may, the universe of the Jed-Eye is not our universe. I have a foot planted in each universe, Sheeana, I cannot just see one road. I must see all of them."

She let out a soft sigh.

"This is about balance for the Jed-Eye, managing what I believe is a manifestation of their universe's attempt at managing itself. Chaos is necessary, and yet, order is as well."

"You know this." She was contemplative, extrapolating everything she could from what Obi-Wan had said. "But I don't know if they've learned the lesson Leto taught. I can see so much of our past...your present in them. We were fools at the time and our foolishness produced Muad'dib...and stranded you on the planet you were supposed to spy on." She didn't need to elaborate on that. They both knew what Muad'dib had done: with his vision, he had taken chance away from the universe.

Please Arha, understand me. Don't let me have Shared with you in vain.

Learning Leto's lesson...then an idea hit her, one so simple and obvious it had lain completely unnoticed in the field of her consciousness. They had Leto there, and the Jed-eye's empathic abilities meant...

"The universe moves as it wills, Sheeana," Arha said in a tired voice, squeezing her eyes shut as she thought. "As it is in our universe, there will always be an element that seeks to control something, be it the direction of humanity or order in a marketplace. I understand the Path, the freedom from prescience, the freedom from direction, the need for the uncontrolled in a universe that is naturally chaotic in its most primal form. Humanity will always seek order out of that chaos, always. You set a people free, you watch them, they move from chaos to order or chaos to barbarism when there is nothing to keep them in place. I do not think the Jed-Eye wish to steal chance from the universe, they are no Mau'dib."

She frowned a little and shifted.

"From what I gather, the Dark Side of this Force is quite negative, a polar opposite of a spectrum of power. It leads to corruption, darkness, madness, death -- we would agree this is a highly negative aspect. The Light respres--" She cut herself off. "I do not need to repeat this. You do not need a lesson in ethics like a child and nor, honestly, do I. I know that what I do I do for others as much as for myself. I do not peer into my own future and calculate all of my steps to a goal, I live my life. Thus, the Jed-Eye live theirs, guided by flashes here and there, by warnings their Force nudges their way. What they do with that knowledge is chance itself."

Arha flicked a gesture.

"Tell me, what do I miss? I have been uprooted and thrust into a place that is so new that it makes me shake if I do not control myself. I have been thrust, also, into a newness that I must learn as if I am a child again. It is chaos and undirected, but this is where I am supposed to be. Is it not?"

Edited 2009-09-19 21:00 (UTC)

Sheeana opens her mouth as if to say something then closes it again almost immediately (desert gesture: never part your lips more than necessary). She knew she could continue, try to drive her point home...But that wasn't what Arha needed. Her brain was, to lack of a better technical term, too fried for that kind of thing right now.

She does so again but the voice is now warm, that of a woman twice her own age, a teasing, motherly sound. "Humans can balance on strange surfaces. Even on unpredictable ones. It's called 'getting in tune. Surfers I watched when I was a child on Gammu knew it. Some waves throw you but you're prepared for that. You get up and climb on once more."

This was Darwi Odrade, Sheeana's trickster-mentor and a welcome salve to Sheeana's increasing feeling that dealing with Arha's exhaustion ( empathicly between them now, ever since their sharing, she felt it weigh heavy on her chest too, labor breathing), adapting the Bene Gesserit teachings to a Dinosaur and probing the secrets of the Jed-eye were all too much for a seventeen year old, prodigy or no.

Both looked puzzled at this concept of 'surfing' until Darwi-within explained it.

"Sister Masaari, my little mouse is finding the responsibility of command a bitter soup at first. That's why she's being so petulantly ungrateful towards your efforts to reach out to the Jed-eye."

"Some of us did not grow up in a place with seas and thus cannot retreat into being sea-child in moments of stress!"

This verbal sparring had been a ritual of theirs since she'd met the then Mother Superior at age twelve. That it didn't have to end because Darwi was dead was a profound relief to her.

"Or a holy child. Then back to Arha: "And to cement your new relationship, I think they should meet your dearest companions."

"They should," Arha said simply, drawing a breath through her nose and letting it out slowly as she gathered her remaining strength. "You cannot know a thing unless you have sat, contemplated, and studied it." Her words came slowly, thoughtfully. "I have tried all day to do something the smallest Jed-Eye child can do with a gesture. I did not succeed today. I may not succeed tomorrow. This Force, finding the balance within it is like this surfing and it is like finding a cache of water in the driest part of the desert."

Her fingers worked at the tension around her eyes.

"Sheeana," the murmur was soft, "I have never felt truly at home, not even in my desert--it is not my own, but Shai-Hulud's--and in this moment, if I reach out and touch this Force..." Arha drew another breath, slow and measured before she released it.

"It is like coming home. Kull wahad, I do not know what to make of such."

"Observe, Sister Masaari. My little mouse is also a heretic."

"Will you be quiet already?"

And she was.

Sheeana reached around to embrace her Sister, leaned her head against her. Two shades of red hair fell into each other.

Much of communication is hidden. Words tend to be only the tip of the rock face poking out of the sand.

Arha let out a soft snort of laughter and her lips quirked a slight smile. Heretic, yes. Or so her fellow Sister would have named her had they known as much. The situation's nature was not lost on her, for here they were, both Fremen, both Bene Gesserit, both on this ship cast away from their homes (though Sheeana had faced Rakis blown from the Universe, so, it was double for her) and into the unknown. Sheeana had started the same journey in a no-ship, Arha had begun hers when her pod had spilled her onto the floor. How different, how the same.

She brushed her fingertips against Sheeana's cheek in silence.

We all must be born anew when something touches us with a force like this, Arha thought absently.

Sheeana wished for winds to pick up and cool them as she leaned back, into the arms of her friend and subordinate. It wasn't right to see the stars stirred by solar winds but be encased in a glass bubble that let nothing of nature through. It was an existence for Guild Navigators, not Fremen.

"Well, you may be exhausted from learning but it will comfort you to know I am having the same problem with teaching. Do you have any idea how difficult it is adapting Prana Bindu teaching to a Velociraptor? And a stubborn one at that?" Which was how she'd come to the sisterhood herself, a stubborn child...but her physiology was human. Her teachers had no need to worry that a seemingly harmless excercise might dislocate her joints or stop her heart.

"The alien ways will lead us into unexpected territory," Arha murmured, smiling softly. "It will give us new understanding, too. Your Velociraptor will succeed, for I know how you are, Sister. You begin something, you finish it, and this the same as I. Teaching is exhausting, for you, too, are learning."

"Mmm...A person needs new experiences, new places. Without it, something sleeps within them. The sleeper must awaken." She mumbled, leaning back against her, eyes heavy. Who was supporting who here seemed to have reversed (though Sheeana was at least physically very light). Or perhaps it was that they supported each other, like two tree trunks that had grown together.

"A person needs all of this," Arha murmured, "so that their eyes may be opened and life does not pass them by. We have learned such well, have we not? I do not mind my new eyes, my newness of mind. I have never been able to be content with sitting in one place. Even in my desert, I moved constantly by whim or wind or worm."

She closed her eyes and felt the clean presence of the Force everywhere, like a soothing balm touched with the very essence of life itself. Her lips curved into a smile.

"We are always moving, always still, both in a moment. We are constantly sleeping, constantly awoken when the moment brings us to our senses. I have," she whispered, "such a sharp, perfect clarity, it might bring me to tears at any given moment. Thankfully, I have my senses enough not to waste water." Her tone filled with amusement as she gently twisted a strand of Sheeana's hair around a finger.

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Evening 001: The Hard Road

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