[oo4; everyone believes | closed]

[restoresbalance.livejournal.com]

Luke sat at a table in the observation deck, chin resting in the palm of one hand.  It was an attitude he'd never really abandoned in all his years, and one that had always made him look incredibly boyish--or so Mara had said.

So much had happened since the latest podpop.  Two faces he thought he'd never see again had shown up, but neither knew him--they were from a time earlier than Luke had even existed.  Obi-Wan was happier than Luke had known him, with a kind of vitality that told just how deeply the ravages of a prolonged war, and Anakin's fall, had affected him.

Anakin... Luke's blue eyes were troubled as he thought of his father.  Young, talented, arrogant--all the things that the records had said of Anakin Skywalker were true.  He'd rebuffed Luke, suspected him of treachery, and that had hurt Luke more than he let on.  What could you say to that?  What could you do about it?  Luke wanted to tell Anakin the truth--tell him that Anakin was his father and Leia's father, tell him everything.  But he'd seen someone who was so quick to anger and suspicious before he was ever trusting, and Luke had had to retreat.  How could he make Anakin believe him anyway?  Luke was old enough to be Anakin's father.

Obi-Wan had said that Anakin wasn't good with new stresses, and to give it time.  Luke hoped that the other Master was right.

[OOC note:  this takes place just around the time of the stuff going on down in the City.  Directly after this thread ends with their danger-senses going off, Anakin and Luke will be making their way down to the City to be bystanders!]

Comments

[ignitethestars.livejournal.com]

It was no lie that Anakin did not trust Luke, but after speaking with Obi-Wan, perhaps he had jumped to conclusions a bit. He contemplated just what he would say to the other Jedi as he wandered around the ship. In fact he hadn't been fully ready to speak with Luke when he ran into him in the observation deck. He seemed to pause as he walked in, almost hesitant. It was almost as if the Force had lead him there to begin with.

Anakin almost scoffed at the idea, but forced himself to walk completely in. Making his way over to the table he stopped in front of it.

"Ah Master ... Luke," he still refused to say Skywalker. "I am glad to see you again. I wanted to apologize for before. Everything has been a bit much for me. It's not like being in the war, this is much different."

He didn't know what else to say. Things were different, but he still felt he was justified in his actions. He was certain Luke was hiding something from him, and just the whole idea made him uneasy.

But he told Obi-Wan that he would speak with Luke and try to work things out. He did owe his master at least an attempt.

"I've been told I'm rather quick to jump into situations, I guess this was one of them. But Master Obi-Wan is right, you are a Jedi and I shouldn't be so mistrusting. Again, I'm sorry."

[restoresbalance.livejournal.com]

Luke looked up, not entirely surprised--with a power in the Force like Anakin's, it was difficult to miss even if he was meditating. It shone like a beacon, but like one with a scrim of sand between himself and it. A shadow was upon his father already. Had it been there from the beginning, from when he was discovered on Tatooine and taken to Coruscant? Or had it developed over time, in response to a life that wasn't as illustrious, nor brought as much justice as he'd hoped?

"It's all right," he said quietly, offering the other Jedi a smile, sitting up. "We were taken from our homes, from tasks that aren't yet complete, without warning. We left a lot behind. Friends, Comrades..." Luke thought of Ben--Anakin's grandson that the other man had no idea existed. "Family."

He took a deep breath. "I know how you feel. I'm sorry we didn't get off on the best footing. And please, just call me Luke."

[ignitethestars.livejournal.com]

Anakin just sort of stared at Luke for a moment, as if he was unsure of what to say. His thoughts clashed together like a raging storm, though his frustration was more at the whole situation and not directly at Luke. He seemed to shake his head for a moment before responding.

"No, it's not excusable, I should have known better." The words were almost recited, perhaps he had said them many times before.

But Luke's word about family made him back track. It at least caused him to look back in his direction.

Family. The only family he had left was his wife and a feeling of sadness washed over him. He thought back to his mother and how he wasn't there to protect the only person he had left in his life. Sure he had Obi-Wan, but it wasn't the same.

He forced himself to shake his head again, disagreeing with Luke.

"The Jedi, don't really have a family. Some consider one another like family, but it's not the same. None of them really understand what it's like." He found himself almost venting before catching his own words.

"Ah, well, I guess I should stop bothering you now." He figured it was probably a good time to retreat.

[restoresbalance.livejournal.com]

"You're not bothering me." Luke smiled a little. "Things are a lot different where... when I'm from," he said. "It's difficult to defend things like love and family when you can't experience that yourself. Jedi in my time are allowed to have families. Of course, when we have disputes they turn into interplanetary incidents..."

He thought of Jacen, lost to them forever, dead at his twin sister's hand. Of his beloved Mara, whom he would never see again except as a Force-ghost--and of Ben, who was going to grow up to be a great Jedi. Of Leia, of Han, who had been with him since the beginning.

Of his father.

"You're right, though. There isn't anything like family; they drive us crazy and we still come back for more."

[ignitethestars.livejournal.com]

Anakin listened to his words closely. He was still above to leave but at Luke's mention of family all of his mental processes suddenly halted. In his time, families are allowed? This of course earned Luke a very odd look.

Why couldn't it be that way in his time? He wouldn't have had to stay away from his mother or keep his marriage a secret. He almost clenched his first in result of his thoughts. His emotions came together. Just the idea almost made him despise his own Jedi order.

"It ... isn't against your code? It's forbidden in mine. Attachment."

He turned away from Luke for a moment. Perhaps this one understood?

"None of the other Jedi understand what it's like. I had a family." He almost found himself saying have.

"But you ... you understand don't you? That it's not wrong to care about others? That it's not wrong to love?" He always wished he had someone to relate to him. Someone who would understand what he was going through.

[restoresbalance.livejournal.com]

"It isn't," Luke said, choosing his words carefully. The urge to tell his father everything was strong, but after the reaction he'd gotten upon meeting him after the podpop, Luke was uncertain how to continue. The Force had been silent on the issue, which meant that it was up to Luke to make the call.

Tough questions. He had no answers to those.

"As long as you take care not to let your attachments, your love for others cloud your judgment," he finished. "That you do not favor them, give them more safety while you send those unrelated to you into danger. That your decisions aren't colored overmuch by concern. Fear of loss is a path to the Dark Side."

He thought again of Mara, and sighed a little, blue eyes sad. "In wartime, we can't expect those we love to stay safe, even if we take every precaution we can think of. But it's not right to shelter them while others die."

[ignitethestars.livejournal.com]

"That's what everyone keeps telling me." He looked away for a moment. "But I think they are the ones that are afraid." Anakin glanced back at Luke. "They fear the idea of love so they shun it. But it shouldn't be treated as something vile. Because it isn't."

He thought back to how he had dreams of his mother. He felt a wave of sadness but then realized it wasn't his own. Looking up at the other Jedi, he once again found himself drawn to him.

"You -- lost someone, didn't you?" His eyes seemed to grow softer as he watched him. "I ... lost someone too."

He moved away and caught himself staring at the floor.

"I knew," he started before looking up, "I knew it was going to happen. I had dreams about it. I could feel her pain, but ... but I was told they were just dreams and they would pass." He faced Luke once more, a certain anger shown in his eyes. "They wouldn't let me go save her. And I was too late. Because of them."

He seemed to notice his own anger and caught himself a bit. "... I made her a promise to never fail anyone again." He finally confessed.

[restoresbalance.livejournal.com]

"Love is not something vile at all," Luke agreed. "It is a beautiful thing; it is a facet of the force of life that we as Jedi serve. It can create life--children," he said, a flash of blue eyes in his father's direction.

"My wife," he said softly. "Mara Jade. She was strong in the Force, and she was my life. When she died, it felt as though half of me was ripped away suddenly." He shuddered with the memory. "Desire to avenge her led me to kill out of hate, and tainted me with the Dark Side. I could not lend more than support in the final battle against the Sith Lord who had been responsible for her death." Luke thought of her shining red hair, and for some reason, Arha's face swam to mind. She was a redhead too. Luke pushed her away in his mind.

"We have a son together, though," he said quietly. "Ben. He'll be a great Jedi one day, I just hope I'm back home to see him become it."

He realized he was rambling and shook his head. "I'm sorry," he said at last, a rueful little smile on his face. "I didn't mean to bore you with my scars. It was your mother, wasn't it? The one you lost?"

[ignitethestars.livejournal.com]

In that moment Anakin's entire life came to a halt. He suddenly thought about his own wife and what he would do if harm ever came to her. If she were to ever die. There was a sudden explosion of emotions that he couldn't seem to regain control over and no doubt Luke would certainly feel. If Padme died what would he do? How could he go on?

He found himself taking a step back, but then he caught himself and tried to bury his feelings deep. He couldn't let his secret slip out even to one from the future where it was acceptable. It could possibly get back to Obi-Wan and who knows what would happen then.

He was caught up in his own moment that he almost didn't hear Luke's words. His gaze shifted upwards and back to the Jedi. "I -- yes. How did you know?"

He took a few steps forward and approached Luke. "I should have been there for her. I should have been able to save her."

[restoresbalance.livejournal.com]

Luke sensed Anakin's sudden confusion, his dark thoughts, and stretched out a soothing tendril of emotions. Compassion, understanding, reassurance that the future was always fluid--these things, along with a generous dose of calm, he gave to his father. The touch of the other man's mind was familiar and strange at once--familiar in that family way, like he'd known Anakin all his life because he was part of Anakin.

"I had a feeling," he said quietly, blue eyes half-closed as he sent his father these feelings in the Force. "You know, Jedi and their feelings about things." He was quiet a moment, watching his father. "I'm sorry. I lost my aunt and uncle many years ago, and they raised me."