trans_9 | Far below the rolling tide [Open]

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Far below the rolling tide [Open]

Strangely enough, even after the events of the past few days, Zouichi had not developed an aversion to the ocean. Or axes! Or giant squid! It helped that he, unlike some of the other crew, hadn't been in imminent danger of drowning. He was, however, busying himself with preparing some of the food they'd bought on shore leave, as well as supplies salvaged from the Deepstar 7. No sense letting it go to waste, right?

He'd started work in the early morning, and gotten so absorbed in what he was doing that he didn't quite notice that he was making more than was absolutely necessary. What? Cooking was relaxing. And anyway, he thought as he waited to pull a piece of battered shrimp out of its cooking oil, someone would probably eat it all. For the people living in the inn, he was careful to set aside boxes of prepared food. But there was an increasing amount left over...

Stop by, enjoy your ridiculously overprepared lunch. Or just a simple one, if you're an acquaintance. The front door's open!

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"Of course," the box goes back on the table as she walks over to the sink, letting her fingers rest on his shoulder for a moment as she watched him work. "Do you require any help...?"

After a pause, she added, "No, I hadn't heard anything. The ship is decidedly unhelpful about that sort of thing, you know."

He shook his head; a slight motion. "No, it's all right." It wouldn't do to ask a guest to clean up, would it? And besides, he found the light touch on his shoulder... rather pleasant. Finishing, he dried his hands and placed the pan aside on the counter.

"It was an undersea mission," he said, a little dryly. "A malfunctioning science station approximately a mile under the ocean. Surrounded, of course, by hostile sea life." It seemed almost like a distant memory, or perhaps a nightmare. Something tugged at his memory, then -- some half-forgotten snippet of a dream, but it eluded him in the end. His expression turned slightly sardonic. "I hardly believe myself when I say this, but I was glad to return to the ship."

"It sounds... interesting," Ildraniath remarked dryly. Interesting, perhaps, but also very much a headache. Her fingers tighten slightly on his shoulder as she considers.

"I can believe that. We've been to a few places that are... unpleasant. They aren't all resort planets, like one of our more recent stops."

He turned toward her then, placing his own hand on her shoulder in turn. Lightly returning her gesture.

"Unpleasant would be a bit of an understatement," he said quietly. Not with sarcasm, this time, but something else. Perhaps it was a hint of concern underlying his words... or an emotion slightly more subtle.

Now hold on just a second... no, she was definitely right. That was not just how two buddies talked to each other. Allenby swallowed. Zouichi... did he have a girlfriend? The voice sounded familiar, too. Il... that woman with all the haughty opinions on the network and the really long name. She'd been around the Inn sometimes.

Allenby quickly clamped a hand over her mouth. Zouichi and Ildy! Oh god! If she could have imagined a girlfriend or boyfriend for either of them, it definitely wouldn't have been each other. It just went to show there was no telling what could happen, right?

She slowly dropped her hand, although the disbelieving grin still remained--faltering a bit when she remembered that the two of them were talking about that mission. Still... Allenby tried to peek around the door as unobtrusively as possible, hoping to catch a glimpse of what they were doing.

"We'll survive. We always do. But-"

There was a pause and then she pressed on as if it hadn't happened, "...don't concern yourself with my well-being when we're engaged on a mission. What we're doing..."

For some reason the words were a bit hard and she frowned as she tried to sort out her thoughts, "I want this to continue. But I also don't want to be any sort of impediment when we go planet-side into a dangerous situation."

She wasn't looking at the doorway, so Allenby probably managed to get a decent look at them and their small, mutual gesture of affection.

There was a silence as he considered her words. "Farseer," he said finally, "I don't believe you could ever be an impediment to me. And if you wish, I can attempt to keep my distance on the battlefield. But to ask me to disregard your wellbeing entirely in a dangerous situation... I'm not sure I can do what you ask."

To ask him not to protect someone he cared about was, frankly, against his nature. Perhaps even alien to him.

"I'm not asking you to keep your distance," Ildraniath replied as her voice dropped slightly, "But... we have a mission. An objective. And... I wouldn't want to have to force you to choose."

Another pause and then the admission came with it, "And I would rather not have to make that choice myself."

She knew what she would do if it came down to that. Not that the thought gave her any great pleasure.

"I have my mission," he said, "And I'm prepared to give my life for it, if required. But that doesn't mean I'm willing to accomplish it at any price." Zouichi had accepted the responsibility of restoring his Earth, if it were possible. But ultimately, he did it out of personal loyalty. Duty, to the people who had created him and to one in particular. If he lost his own life in fulfilling that purpose, if he was asked to make a sacrifice of himself, he would consider it fair trade. But to ask it of others? There were choices he was not willing to make in the pursuit of his goal. Sacrificing billions of innocent clones to make it easier to regrow some soldiers' limbs, for instance.

Not willingly. Not while he still had other options. He would look for the third option, always.

If he, in the process of keeping his promise to one human, tossed aside all the principles that she held dear, all that made Earth worth saving, then he might as well not have bothered at all. Without the guidance of those moral imperatives, someone like Zouichi, for whom killing without remorse was second nature, would not have the right to consider himself a protector. To fight for what he did. He'd be a murderer, with nothing to set him apart from any other murderer save for the efficiency with which he carried out his function. Those were the rules. That was how he could kill a human to save a human... or an alien, for that matter.

He lifted his hand from her shoulder, gently touching the side of his fingers to her cheek. "I can't guarantee that I'll choose the mission over your safety. Not under all circumstances. I'm sorry."

"I need to fight this war in a way that I can live with. And if that choice ever presents itself... it's my responsibility to make." Though ultimately the priority of his personal mission superceded other concerns, decisions were rarely, if ever, that clear-cut. If, however, he was forced to choose the mission, disregarding any and all concern for her, it would be when there were no other options. And he would be willing to accept the consequences of that decision. He recognized Ildraniath's own priorities -- that her people came before himself. That she would sacrifice him for them, if necessary. And he accepted it.

But he couldn't promise that he would do the same.

Something fuzzy brushed against Allenby's legs -- Sushi, the fat orange tom that Howard had adopted from the undersea mission. He curled his tail around her ankles, begging for food.

Even though he'd just eaten. But he was still out of sight, for now.

Ildraniath listened to him; could feel his emotions, even if she wasn't probing for them. It was so... very human of him to respond like that. To put an individual before the whole. But she couldn't force him to follow her own moral imperatives and on thinking on it, she didn't want to force him. If she had to do that, then he wasn't really Zouichi anymore, was he? The idea that she would sacrifice him - or anyone else, everyone else - for the sake of her species and her Craftworld was a fact of life for her. Her personal emotions and feelings were secondary to the ultimate survival of Ulthwe.

She dropped her gaze for a moment and lifted her hand to cup his against her cheek with a soft sigh. When she looked up again, she had a (slightly resigned) smile on her face, "I understand. All I can do is ask, but the responsibility and choice is your own. I'm not going to try to force you, I just thought that it was best that I present you with it."

Another pause and she shook her head, "...we should stop talking about this. It's rather morbid. Lunch?"

He smiled. "I understand. And... thank you." She hadn't had to tell him all of this, could even have tried to manipulate him -- to put the mission above her, if she wanted to assuage her conscience, perhaps. Or to put her above the mission, if she had wanted unquestioning loyalty rather than someone who might one day work at cross-purposes with her.

But she hadn't. That meant much to him.

"Lunch," he agreed, moving toward the exit. "Though I believe we're taking a chance, stepping out without checking the weather beforehand. Hopefully, we'll avoid any passing blizzards."

Although on this ship, perhaps it wasn't wise to joke about freak snowstorms. Who knew? One day they might actually get something more than a light rain.

Allenby nearly jumped out of her skin when Sushi decided to say hello. She clamped both hands over her mouth and shut her eyes, feeling slightly sick. From the sound of it... Zouichi and Ildraniath were definitely... something. Definitely probably, but when she replayed their conversation in her head it sounded like something she probably should not have been listening in on.

...But they were definitely probably something. Guilt was having to fight with giddiness right now. It was--it was like--well, not really like Domon and Rain. The sort of thing they were saying, though, was how they were so important to each other....

Except she really couldn't hang around eavesdropping anymore. If nothing else, Sushi would blow her cover. "What? Oh come on, cat, you can't be hungry again," she said, trying to sound as though she'd just been walking down the hall. Then she poked her head around the door. "Oh, hey there!"

"Agreed," Ildraniath replied, "As picturesque as that planet was, it wasn't anywhere I'd enjoy living-"

She cut herself off as Allenby made her entrance, expression settling into her usual mask of cool appraisal. She scooped the box up from the table and gave Allenby a nod, "Greetings."

Zouichi blinked in surprise, then gave Allenby a nod. "Allenby. I was planning on going outside for a little while. If Howard shows up again, can you tell him to help himself?"

Well. If he suspected her of eavesdropping, he gave no outward sign.

"Uh--greetings." Allenby gave Ildraniath an awkward wave at the old-fashioned formality. And an awkward grin, too. She felt an acute need to make some kind of conversation that would keep them both here, but that would be kind of obvious. She really didn't want them to know she'd been kind of listening in on them.

So she just nodded. "Sure thing--but I'm pretty sure he'll figure out how to do that on his own. You've had some too, right Ildraniath?" she asked, turning to the woman. "'Cause if you ain't yet, you really should! Zouchi's cookin' is the best."

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Far below the rolling tide [Open]

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