Coz pretending everything is alright when it ain't, really isn't working. [Closed]

[moms-temperment.livejournal.com]

Hana was playing on the train tracks.
 
Alright. That wasn’t the true.
 
He sat actually sat on one of the out of commission carriages which had been left at the side of the track.
 
He’d explored the inside but found it to be empty so instead had scaled to the top. His legs hung over the edge, swinging back and forth, kicking the side of the carriage with his heels, letting out a low metallic clang. At first it’d startled the strange native birds from their perches and spooked any other nearby wildlife but by now most had moved to somewhere quieter.
 
He’d passed some time train spotting, which basically has equated to trying to see one then waving frantically as it passed. He liked trains. He supposed he got that from his dad, he’d always loved trains.
 
Eventually though, it’d lost its charm.
 
He pulled his legs up and shifted his body position to lay back on the flat roof, tucking his hands behind his head, falling back onto a favoured activity; cloud watching.
 
The clouds were thinner here and less frequent. Probably because they were in a desert.
 
Hana yawned. He’d spent the day with Sandy. Looking around. Relaxing. Hanging out. Together like always. She’d been oddly happy when Hana had dropped Jinxs new title of ‘sis’ as they talked. Relieved it almost seemed…
 
Now she’d gone. Headed to the med bay to see if she could learn some things from watching.
 
He’d opted out. It wasn’t really his thing (though it suddenly seemed oddly cool when Sandy was showing him what she’d learnt). Besides, that was Sandys thing. He wanted her to have a thing. Because he saw how happy it made her to have something she could do.
 
She’d asked if he’d be okay alone. He knew what she meant. It wasn’t his safety she was asking about (even if she did worry, she knew he could handle himself), it was him being by himself she was unsure about. Even if he’d been doing much better these past few days, he didn’t do well alone. It allowed for past thoughts and feelings to slip past his defences and stir up inside him.
 
But didn’t want anyone to worry about him anymore, especially Sandy. He’d assured her he’d be fine and sent her off.
All he’d really needed was a distraction. Then he wouldn’t have to linger on sad thoughts.
 
But when he was quiet and clam like this, it opened the door. His stomach twisted and turned as he recalled his fights with Ruffnut and Mindy, making him feel physically sick. Just thinking about them depressed him, he hadn’t realized before this all had happened how much he’d put on them, how quickly he’s placed his trust in them. It was natural then, that he felt like this. He shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up so much so quickly.
 
He could feel the bridge of his nose sting and he realized his was bordering on tears.
 
He pushed the depressing thoughts away and distracted himself by thinking of Sandy (which he found to be incredibly easy) and Jinx and what the two of them might be doing right now.
 
Hana’s eyelids soon started to feel heavy and he let them fall, sighing. He could take a quick nap up here then go visit Jinx.