"I'm sure that's a better way to think about things," Kaya said. "It's the shock, I think, that's getting to me: I saw him alive only several hours ago, and he seemed so unstoppable. I know that's a silly thing to say, he's probably the same as anyone else, but its still sad."

It was hard, she knew, to act as if everything was OK after she'd so many deaths. "I'm just trying to deal with it all, I guess."