He still doesn't take the handkerchief. "I have a shower at home, Rory."
He pauses, biting his lip, trying to figure out how much he can divulge and if he wants to. What good is it going to do to explain to Rory that he can't fight these irrational fears? That he knows he's as safe as he can get here on Stacy, but as soon as he tries to close his eyes at night he has to get up again to make sure all the locks are still set, all the food storage is untouched, all the people are still outside and haven't just vanished? That when he does sleep, he wakes up exhausted because in his dreams he was being eaten alive?
That he can look at the food in his hand and know, factually, that it is rotten, know that his stomach's cramping from overuse, know that Stacy provides all the food they'll need not to starve now, and still feel like he'll die if he doesn't put the fruit in his mouth?
Even he knows it's crazy. He just doesn't know how to fix it, and he doubts Rory does either. Rory's a fixer by nature, a nurse, a perceptive one, but how can he fix this?
And even if he does, then what happens to Howard when he comes to rely on that and Stacy or death or whatever takes Rory too?
"Before the mission. I mean, the mission didn't help with the...but before. And then I got home and Albert was repodded and no one had fed his stupid cat for days."
no subject
He pauses, biting his lip, trying to figure out how much he can divulge and if he wants to. What good is it going to do to explain to Rory that he can't fight these irrational fears? That he knows he's as safe as he can get here on Stacy, but as soon as he tries to close his eyes at night he has to get up again to make sure all the locks are still set, all the food storage is untouched, all the people are still outside and haven't just vanished? That when he does sleep, he wakes up exhausted because in his dreams he was being eaten alive?
That he can look at the food in his hand and know, factually, that it is rotten, know that his stomach's cramping from overuse, know that Stacy provides all the food they'll need not to starve now, and still feel like he'll die if he doesn't put the fruit in his mouth?
Even he knows it's crazy. He just doesn't know how to fix it, and he doubts Rory does either. Rory's a fixer by nature, a nurse, a perceptive one, but how can he fix this?
And even if he does, then what happens to Howard when he comes to rely on that and Stacy or death or whatever takes Rory too?
"Before the mission. I mean, the mission didn't help with the...but before. And then I got home and Albert was repodded and no one had fed his stupid cat for days."