He looked at her, barely managing eye contact, lower lip trembling. "Am I wrong, Eva?"
He looked away, back at the dog, back into the warm brown eyes that didn't ask anything more of him than ear scritches and petting.
"You're not the only one. Who was that guy even, at the council meeting?" His voice cracked, hands burrowing in Bobby's fur, feeling like a teenager again. "Just some guy Marco decided would make his argument for him? So he told him everything? You know the only one of the councilors that bothered to really talk with me was Kang, nobody else. But they all have opinions, like I'm some kid and everyone keeps fanning the flames because I'm such a convenient tool and it doesn't matter what I don't want people to know. So long as it suits the purpose of the argument, it'll keep coming back up." He swallowed back the bile churning in his stomach, he wasn't used to this, wasn't used to talking about how he felt. "But Marco gets upset when someone else tells on him?" He didn't speak again for a few minutes, hands moving reflexively on Bobby's fur. "I would have done it, if Kang hadn't. I would have told everyone they could morph. Because I didn't want anyone else to die. I didn't want Rach to die, or Marco, or any of the people that would have gotten invovled and suddenly been handling wild animals. Dean's on security, Eva." His family had nearly gone to battle against his family.
Again.
Kang had stopped that, Kang had made sure everyone survived.
His voice was flat when he spoke again, fingers utterly still on Bobby's collar. "Even if you're sorry, would you do it again if you thought it would hurt Iniss?" He just felt empty. He could build a garden and work hard and try so hard to mean something.
But to everyone on the ship, he'd only be a former controller, tied intrinsically to Iniss.
What was the point of trying if nobody would allow him to get anywhere?
no subject
He looked away, back at the dog, back into the warm brown eyes that didn't ask anything more of him than ear scritches and petting.
"You're not the only one. Who was that guy even, at the council meeting?" His voice cracked, hands burrowing in Bobby's fur, feeling like a teenager again. "Just some guy Marco decided would make his argument for him? So he told him everything? You know the only one of the councilors that bothered to really talk with me was Kang, nobody else. But they all have opinions, like I'm some kid and everyone keeps fanning the flames because I'm such a convenient tool and it doesn't matter what I don't want people to know. So long as it suits the purpose of the argument, it'll keep coming back up." He swallowed back the bile churning in his stomach, he wasn't used to this, wasn't used to talking about how he felt. "But Marco gets upset when someone else tells on him?" He didn't speak again for a few minutes, hands moving reflexively on Bobby's fur. "I would have done it, if Kang hadn't. I would have told everyone they could morph. Because I didn't want anyone else to die. I didn't want Rach to die, or Marco, or any of the people that would have gotten invovled and suddenly been handling wild animals. Dean's on security, Eva." His family had nearly gone to battle against his family.
Again.
Kang had stopped that, Kang had made sure everyone survived.
His voice was flat when he spoke again, fingers utterly still on Bobby's collar. "Even if you're sorry, would you do it again if you thought it would hurt Iniss?" He just felt empty. He could build a garden and work hard and try so hard to mean something.
But to everyone on the ship, he'd only be a former controller, tied intrinsically to Iniss.
What was the point of trying if nobody would allow him to get anywhere?