Kon thought about it. Thought long and hard, face scrunched up in a way that seemed to be amusing Molly.
"The hard part is... I think I trust you. And...I think I could listen. Trust you enough to listen. You know, we're not all above the rules like people think metas are, there's people we trust and listen to and--"
He broke off, trying to find the words he was thinking.
"I want to think I can do this. Even the killing, because...this is a war, and it's different from back home. I've thought a lot about it."
How though, how could he know?
"What I'm having trouble with isn't the idea of it, it's...that I've never killed anyone before. Like...actually done it. The only time..."
There was shame here.
"I once did something...worse to someone but I didn't kill her, and it came from this place of deep hate that I've always been terrified to go back to again, so I haven't."
He looked up at Leon.
"Before you ever do it, how you do you know if you can? How does...a soldier know he's going to be able to do the job before he's actually in there doing it, and killing people? And how...how does he know that he can do it without going bonkers down the line?"
It was a genuine question, rather than something rhetorical. He was trying to figure out of his hesitance was just part of it all and something that could be got over or not.
no subject
"The hard part is... I think I trust you. And...I think I could listen. Trust you enough to listen. You know, we're not all above the rules like people think metas are, there's people we trust and listen to and--"
He broke off, trying to find the words he was thinking.
"I want to think I can do this. Even the killing, because...this is a war, and it's different from back home. I've thought a lot about it."
How though, how could he know?
"What I'm having trouble with isn't the idea of it, it's...that I've never killed anyone before. Like...actually done it. The only time..."
There was shame here.
"I once did something...worse to someone but I didn't kill her, and it came from this place of deep hate that I've always been terrified to go back to again, so I haven't."
He looked up at Leon.
"Before you ever do it, how you do you know if you can? How does...a soldier know he's going to be able to do the job before he's actually in there doing it, and killing people? And how...how does he know that he can do it without going bonkers down the line?"
It was a genuine question, rather than something rhetorical. He was trying to figure out of his hesitance was just part of it all and something that could be got over or not.