It really is the worst trap of the Yeerks. Not only do they break you down, make it unbearably hard to do the most basic things, make you forget who you were and how to interact with people, but then they open your eyes to the other possibilities, that irresponsible, careless surrender. And you spend your free life seeing through stark contrast how exhausting doing and being are.

But then again, how much do you matter except in relation to other people? How can Tom not matter when so many people care about him? How can Eva? It's not like caring's even in doubt, just hard to not feel responsible for everything, after years of being responsible for nothing. Eva knew plenty of former hosts who felt guilty for the actions of their Yeerk, but she finds that stupid. Instead she just feels zealously responsible now.

She nods slowly and chews her lower lip. "I guess there are worse things to be than that."