trans_9 | Meet N' Greet

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Meet N' Greet

Part of the crew might be gone, but life on the ship goes on. In fact, new people have woken up and, eventually, they've been spat out into the mess hall.

Maybe it's better to introduce them to some of the worst aspects of ship life first, right?

Anyway, the word is out that there's new people, and someone should probably go say hello. Before the n00bs mistake the glop for crew.

[ooc: read before tagging, plz]

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"Dude, why would you think that?" says Jack. He's been watching the new people arrive. It's been a lot like all the other podpops he's been through by now. But this has to be a new reaction to the situation.

Still riding the wave of hormones, it takes Lister a minute to realise that someone's speaking to him.

Jack gets nearly as long a stare as the women do, before Lister breaks out in a massive grin. "This might be rude, but you're human, aren't you? And not dead?"

The not dead is the important part.

Jack shifts a little uncomfortably, he doesn't like the stare. Sure he likes being stared at in awe, but this isn't that.

"Yeah. Pretty sure. I mean, I am sitting here talking to you."

If the grin on Listers face gets any larger, the top of his head may fall off.

"You could be a hologram though, which would mean you would be dead. But you say you're not dead, so you can't be a hologram." Lister logic. "Which means that I'm not the only human left alive, cos you're here."

"Well, yeah. There's tons of us here and we're all alive." Jack really has no idea what Lister's trying to get at.

"Are you... okay?"

"I'm fine man, really fine," is Lister's reply, his Liverpool accent slightly broader than usual thanks to his optimism.

"Mind you, where the smeg are we? The voice in the head bird wasn't much help."

"Oh, Stacy? Yeah, she's like that." He shrugs.

"We're stuck on a space ship. It's alive, and it's full of tentacles and weird alien crud and stuff. She was just keeping us locked up in here but now she sent like half of us on a mission."

"The ship's alive? Man, that's weird. She fly herself, or something?" Lister experimentally pokes a wall.

"Don't suppose you've seen a hologram called Rimmer round here anywhere?"

Surely his luck couldn't be that good.

"Um, Rimmer?" Jack thinks for a moment, then shakes his head. "No. I think... we have a couple AI's, but the only two I know the names of are Cortana and Rommie. But yeah, Stacy flies herself."

At least, as far as they know.

Lister only just barely refrains from punching the air. No Rimmer. No war-gaming, telegraph pole appreciating, nostril flaring Rimmer.

"What do we do for food around here? I could murder a curry!"

"Oh, it really sucks. It looks like this." Jack holds up his tray and makes a face and the grey slop.

"I'd about kill for a pudding cup."

Lister's face falls as he looks at the slop.

"That? No curry? What about lager. There's got to be lager."

"Sawyer has some booze, but you'd have to like trade him for it or something. He's probably desecrating the Vatican somewhere."

"Desecrating the what-ican?" Lister asks, distracted from thoughts of alcohol. He's not religious in himself, but he does know what the Vatican is.

"Stacey kidnaps buildings as well?"

"Yeah, or at least like building-photo-copies them or something weird. He made like a fort out of the Vatican, a lot of the religious guys got real mad," explains Jack.

"So, uh, who are you?"

"Just how big is this place, anyway?" Lister asks, wondering if they could have fitted the Vatican in Red Dwarf. He thought that it was big, but just what size is Stacey?

"Lister," he adds his name.

"We don't know. We've seen a lot of things and it's pretty huge, but we've only actually gotten into part of it," says Jack. He really has no idea how true what he just said is. He wasn't one of the ones sent on a mission, so he hasn't seen the outside of Stacy and her sheer size yet.

"I'm Jack. Jack Spicer. Evil boy genius," he replies.

"Really an evil boy genius?" Lister asks. He doesn't look horrified, or appalled, just curious.

"And what sort of level of evil are we talking about here? Replacing someone's toothpaste with spermicide evil, or killing people because they're human level of evil?"

"Eh, kinda between those. I'm trying to rule the world. I was building a robot army and stealing magical artifacts before the ship grabbed me," he says, playing it cool. Jack knows (or at least thinks he knows) that he is awesomesauce.

"I've been working on it since I was thirteen."

"Trying to rule the world? Boy's got ambitions," Lister notes. "But hey, everyone's got to have a dream. Think you could reserve me a piece of Fiji?"

Well, just in case Lister is talking to the future ruler of the world, it never hurts to be prepared.

"Haha, probably. I'm gonna build a resort there. You could be the manager," says Jack, taking a moment to seriously consider this. The resort would need a waterslide, he decides. A huge one. One that would be legendary for its sheer amounts of awesome.

"How would you feel about a hot dog diner?" Lister asks. That was always his dream, though he might have to argue with the Cat over the colour of the hats.

"Oh, even better. Awesome. I rule the world some day, you'll totally get a hot dog diner in Fiji. Deal?"

"Deal," Lister replies firmly, and offers his hand to shake on it.

Only just out of pod-sleep, and already cutting deals with future dictators. Bless.

Jack shakes his hand.

"But for now, all you gotta know about the food is that it sucks. It's better if you dip parts of your tray in it. Also, you can convince yourself it's anything you want it to be in the sensoriums, but we don't usually eat in there all the time."

Jack, personally, doesn't know why. He thinks it might have to do with the potential need to use them for more important things, or something lame like that.

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smegging-hell.livejournal.com - 2009-06-05 22:20 (UTC) - Expand

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