trans_9 | There's got to be a morning after [VERY OPEN]

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There's got to be a morning after [VERY OPEN]

It took a few moments for any thoughts to register for Steve when he opened his eyes. He recognized the inside of a quarantine bubble, that was for sure, but it took him longer to recognize the medical equipment hooked up to him, an IV in his arm and bandages wrapped around his bare shoulder and in a few other spots.

It didn't take long to recognize the feeling of having been run over by a truck, either. Every bone in his body ached, and even the slightest movement made him want to groan. It felt like he'd been asleep for a month-- a dreamless sleep, preceded by blurry, disconnected memories of what felt like a dream.

Memories of something he desperately, desperately hoped was just a dream. He had a sinking feeling it wasn't and part of him knew it to be the truth. But desperately hoping was the only way he could keep himself from screaming, which would hurt, so he'd keep on with that desperate hope anyway.

Steve lay awake and stared at the ceiling. Maybe if he stayed quiet they'd think he was still asleep, and he could put the truth and all the fear and sorrow that came with it off a while longer.

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She looked down. She had an idea that this would be something that Steve would have to work through: what he had been through wasn't something anyone could attempt to understand. Heck, Katara didn't even know how someone COULD be made to do things like that. The closest she'd come to that had been Hama.

"I saw you in that form. I knew it wasn't you of course: you were angry, ready to hurt anyone in your way. But I guess I also knew I wasn't going to be the person to reach you anyway. Thing is, you listened: I could see that what was you wasn't gone, just not willing to listen. On the ship, I know a lot of people who could have had that happen to them if the situation was reversed."

She felt around the bubble, trying to see how well this could work. "I only had something like that happened once: someone made me use my limbs however she wanted. It was horrible, like a nightmare."

Steve didn't feel like pointing out he was usually angry anyway. Not ready to hurt anyone, obviously, but sometimes he wondered if it wasn't kind of appropriate that a person like him had the capability to turn into a raging beast like that.

"Maybe it's good I can't remember any of it," he muttered. "If I could remember being out of control and attacking my own friends, I'd probably be even worse off in the head."

She couldn't imagine what it was like to do what he was doing: in fact, what he was talking about sounded like one of her worse nightmares. If he didn't remember that much, it was fine: she didn't want those kinds of things in his mind anymore than she would.

"Nobody would blame you anyway," Katara said. "Well, I wouldn't. It's one thing to go after people of your volition, but there's nothing worse than having it happen to you."

She looked him over. "So what's hurting still?"

"Nobody would blame me? Yeah, right. I'm gonna have idiots screaming for my head on a stick in no time." And he'd have to worry about that when it happened. Though at least Miku would stand up for him. And maybe Luke and Claire... if they would ever forgive him.

Though he supposed it was nice of her to try and work through their past differences, even if he'd rather she go away. "Everything," he answered. "It feels like I got run over by a steamroller."

"I saw you and I'll make sure other people know what happened if I have to. There's no excuse for willful ignorance on the ship. The more people look for things not to like, the worse we get in ship morale. We can't afford to continue doing the same stupid thing we do every time something like this happens."

They didn't owe the other anything, but Katara refused to let lies circulate about what really happened.

"Ok," she said. "In that case, I'm going to have to do a full on heal: I'll need my artifact for that. But I won't do it if you refuse. I'd just rather you get better soon. Claire is worried about you."

"I don't need to be-" he was about to argue, but at the mention of Claire he drifted off.

"She is?" he asked, losing all the sarcasm from his voice immediately. Well... of course she'd be. But a pessimistic part of Steve couldn't help but imagine she was probably sick of him and all his mutating shenanigans to the point where it'd be easier on her to just pretend he didn't exist.

Hello, Stupidly Cynical Voice, Steve thought. You weren't missed.

"Yes," she said, narrowing her eyes. "And I know what its like to be in her shoes. Just because our circumstances are a little different doesn't mean I haven't fussed about people I care about after chaos happens. I know worried when I see it."

"Just let me get you good enough so you can heal faster. Do you really want to stay here any longer than you have to?"

"Not like I haven't done it before," he sighed, leaning back on his bed.

"Thanks anyway, but I don't really believe in that stuff."

Katara narrowed her eyes. "Well, its more important that I believe it so I can heal you, right? If I fail, well, what difference will it make? You'll stay here and be bored. If I don't fail, you're out of here faster. Isn't there someone you want to see as soon as you're better?"

Hint, hint.

Steve's face turned just about the same color as his hair. Oh great, now people were going to start using that on him?

"Look, don't waste your time on me, okay?" he said irritably, leaning back on his bed again. "You should spend your energy healing somebody who needs it. Like all the people I apparently almost killed. I don't deserve it."

"Which might be good advice to take if I were healing all my own," she said. "It is pretty tiring, and I wouldn't be able to get rid of your aches, just your wounds. As I'm using a Pactio card though, it won't be as strenuous. So you really have no excuse. If the people you almost killed know that it wasn't really you, all you're really doing at this point is prolonging your pain for no good reason."

Which was a lie, it was a pretty good reason, but Katara was thinking of Clair and Miku too. She didn't want Steve to fall into despair. "Look...you got me, OK? That's why I knew it wasn't you, I saw you myself. That's why I'm here. I don't think you should have to be here, feeling more pain than you should. The sooner you're with the people that care about you, the better you'll feel, ok? NO one else's opinions matter."

"You really think all those people are gonna let this go that easily?" Steve was fairly certain a lynch mob was going to show up in here at any second, held off by the four or five people who actually knew who he was and cared if he lived or died. "I think you're nuts, but, whatever, I guess."

He eyed her suspiciously. "Why do you care, anyway? I barely even know you."

"Some people won't, no, but they'll probably want to know more of why this happened in the first place, and likely then they'll shift the blame to someone that knew what you could do. But I figure that by this time, they'll understand that wasting time arguing about this kind of stuff makes us a target for worst things to happen."

She'd make sure she was heard if it came to that, she was certain, and if she had to defend him?

Well. She'd see what would happen first. Hopefully it wouldn't come to that.

She sighed. "I thought you would have figured that out already. If I can help on this ship, do something that makes things a little better, I'll do it. That's all. Besides, do you think you should be blamed for something that wasn't under your control?"

"I deserve the blame more than anybody else," he argued. "The people who knew-- they've spent a whole year since I woke up fighting this stupid virus, and it's not their fault I couldn't keep control of it."

He sighed with frustration. "God, I wish everybody would just mind their own goddamn business about it. But that's too much to ask for around here, isn't it?"

There was a long pause as he huffed and got a little better handle on his emotions.

"Sorry," he muttered. "I just don't have much a reason to trust in other people."

"So they were trying to keep you from turning into that? Wow."

That was something that took Katara's breath away. She had no idea that people had been doing what they could to make sure that Steve would avoid becoming that. But she had thought it was something that they would have to keep secret.

"Of course it is," Katara said. "If we all kept to ourselves about everything, it would make us targets to every stupid thing that comes out of a person's mouth. We're from different worlds and different existences: we have find a way to not make dumb mistakes. If we don't go out of the way to find the truth, people lose perspective and do bad things."

She sighed. "We couldn't be more different there, but that's because I have to rely on instinct. The best anyone on this ship can do is prepare and take care of each other. If it doesn't start with me, it won't start with anyone."

"If you don't rely on other people, you don't get hurt when they stab you in the back," Steve pointed out, leaning back and staring up at the ceiling.

Of course, that wasn't expressly true. Even he had a few people he trusted. But they had all proven themselves to him, this time more than any other time. As far as the rest of the jerks on this ship were concerned, Steve figured they'd just as soon betray their fellow crewmate if it meant getting what they wanted. That was a lesson he'd learned first hand before.

"Anyway. This all was none of anybody's business, but now the cat's out of the bag and I'm gonna have the whole damn ship trying to pry into my life. Excuse me if I'm a little touchy about it."

"And you can still get stabbed by the person who is out to get whatever he wants," Katara said. "If there are people on this ship like that we have to find a way to got that around. I think we have enough people to beat any chaotic thing on the ship, but it won't happen if we don't bother to get to know each other."

She held up her hand. "Hey, you're not going to get an argument about it from me about that. To be honest, as long as you're okay and nobody is dead, I'm totally fine with you having your secrets. I just want make sure you're healed."

"I'm fine," Steve insisted, a little bit shortly.

Then he paused. And sighed.

"Thank you," he said again. "But I'm not really hurt. Just. The aftereffects of having every bone in my body change shape twice."

She stared at him a moment. It suddenly occurred to her that maybe what Steve was doing was suffering just a little so that the people he hurt he might feel a little less badly about. In any case, she could see he wouldn't budge here.

"If you're sure, fine," she said shaking her head. "Seriously, boys can be SO stubborn."

She stopped though, and smiled. "Anyway, good luck with you and Miku. I have a feeling she won't leave you by yourself long."

There he was turning red again. "H-hey, come on. Mind your own business," he muttered, though it was in more of a whine than the usual snappy tone he'd taken with Katara before.

She gave him smile and set off to find someone else in need of help. Truthfully, she thought Steve was brave to keep doing what he had to.

And he was lucky: he had someone that would care for him. That, she knew, would be enough when the time came.

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There's got to be a morning after [VERY OPEN]

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