http://thethirdhalfa.livejournal.com/ (
thethirdhalfa.livejournal.com) wrote in
trans_92010-10-23 05:51 pm
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
Entry tags:
New and Old Wounds [Closed]
Dani had an amazing ability to focus if she needed to. Just to focus on that one thing and let everything else take the back seat. However, she needed to HAVE that something that could be the focus without it just leading right back to what she was trying to ignore.
At the moment, she didn't really have it. All of it was too heavily connected to the problem she was having; namely that Jake had ordered, at some point in his timeline, for his cousin to kill his brother to get rid of Iniss. Dani could see his thinking of why he'd done it. While she didn't know EVERYTHING, she knew enough. She didn't think it was right or reasonable, but she understood the thinking well enough.
But that didn't change the situation. Tom was freaking out because Jake had ordered him killed and she was freaking out because she'd been reminded of old wounds and it was very hard to keep a level head.
She had gotten Iniss and Tom away from the situation. Phased them right away and had a blissful few minutes until she found an isolated corridor to finally stop in, well away from Rachel and Jake and all of them.
She pulled away from Iniss then, moving her hands to rub the heal of her palms to her forehead, trying to get herself under control. She DEALT with this. The wound was OLD. Tom was the one who needed help, not her. She just had to get herself to CALM DOWN.
((Bendy-time to after this.))
At the moment, she didn't really have it. All of it was too heavily connected to the problem she was having; namely that Jake had ordered, at some point in his timeline, for his cousin to kill his brother to get rid of Iniss. Dani could see his thinking of why he'd done it. While she didn't know EVERYTHING, she knew enough. She didn't think it was right or reasonable, but she understood the thinking well enough.
But that didn't change the situation. Tom was freaking out because Jake had ordered him killed and she was freaking out because she'd been reminded of old wounds and it was very hard to keep a level head.
She had gotten Iniss and Tom away from the situation. Phased them right away and had a blissful few minutes until she found an isolated corridor to finally stop in, well away from Rachel and Jake and all of them.
She pulled away from Iniss then, moving her hands to rub the heal of her palms to her forehead, trying to get herself under control. She DEALT with this. The wound was OLD. Tom was the one who needed help, not her. She just had to get herself to CALM DOWN.
((Bendy-time to after this.))
no subject
She nodded. "If anything weird happens, I can get out in an instant, but it should be fine. You ready?"
no subject
no subject
no subject
He felt very much like he had when Tom had been on painkillers while his leg healed. Somewhat distant and removed from everything else.
Tom, lost somewhere in the far reaches of his mind, deliberately not thinking, tensed unconsciously at the new presence in his mind.
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
'Even if there's a timeline he did, it was only because he thought he had no choice. They've already shown how much they hate Yeerks, so he probably justified it as being better that you died than being a slave with no hope.'
'But it's different now. He knows it, you know it. It's only a little while longer until your body is yours full time. He doesn't have to tear himself a part for this, but he will if you let something you were nowhere close to tear you apart. He probably only kept together because Iniss was in control and he didn't see YOU.'
no subject
no subject
'And that's why you're the only one who can protect Jake!'
no subject
He was tired. So very tired. He'd held it all together for so long, through everything. Through Temrash. Through watching his brother be teased and taunted and lured into the group that had shoved a yeerk in his head. Through everything.
On the edge of his mind lingered the image of his father sitting on the dock and the cool hilt of a Nazi dagger in his hand and the panic near breaking pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease the joypainangonyrush of the dock breaking and his leg shattering and the hospital room with his mother telling him she loved him alivesafealivesafesafesafe "Get out of here, midget. Get out of here and leave me alone!"
Jake told me to kill you.
And then they shoved his head in the pool and the yeerk slithered into his brain and his life ended.
< I want to go home. >
no subject
A cold laboratory, full of pods, a boy looking a great deal like Danielle in her human form, and a man who looked like a vampire. "But the last clone that did that melted. What if it was too much?" "Oh it won't be." "But what if." "You exist to serve me!" Heart break, hurt, hurt, hurt, world totally torn apart.
Trees and the night sky and cold and all alone and wondering what had she done? What what why? She killed them, left them to die, all a lie, always the same, never better, were people, didn't deserve, her brothers, dead and didn't do a thing.
Another laboratory, that vampire man, the feeling of everything in her body just falling apart. "Please tell me you've been working on something to stabilize me?" "Oh no, my child. I've had far more important matters to attend to. My Maddie upgrade for instance, right dear?" Hologram, beaten by a hologram that said such cheesy stock lines for his ego. And the feeling of all hope dying as he declared he was to melt her down and study her remained. Not hope for life, a small spark still managing to burn in hopes of Danny, Danny would come, Danny would save her, but he only saw her as a tool, nothing, what was once her world could care less what happened to her.
And then the memories stopped and there was silence for several beats.
'Sometimes that's not an option.'
And another set came.
"You're not mindless like those other clones. I don't want to hurt you." Didn't want to believe, he was the enemy, but didn't think he was lying, never could think he was honestly lying, only didn't understand, right? That same boy, a ghost now, trying to help her see the truth in a cabin room.
Again, on a rooftop, afraid, so afraid and so weak and tired. "He's not gonna touch you, Dani. Come on, I'll protect you." And a feeling of relief, safety, trust. Knew he wouldn't let her down. Knew it, knew it, he never would.
In the second lab again. "I knew you wouldn't let me down!" Even say it, tell him, after he saved her, feeling whole and stable and hugging him tightly.
Again, they stopped.
'But sometimes family is close enough.'
no subject
Following the girl to a meeting, foolish thing to do. Logical only to his 14 year old brain. Following the girl. All that mattered was the girl. Silly reason, silly choice. Visser Three in all his Andalite grace, beautiful and horrible and inescapably alien. Fighting and struggling and screaming and fighting and choking on the liquid from the pool as they shove his head down and pain in his head so bad he's sure it's going to split in two. Clutching at his head helplessly, on his knees. They're watching. Chapman, the girl, the Visser. They're all watching him cough and struggle and shiver and try to get his legs to listen again. Temrash taking control and starting to scream and scream and scream until his voice should have been raw and breaking and empty. < You're just a body, Tom. No one can hear you but me. See what I know? Soon you'll be nothing but a memory, a echo lingering in this body. I'll make sure of it. > Can't see, can't hear, can't speak, can't feel. Temrash controls all of those things. Vision and hearing are just as easy to take away as his voice. Losing one sense at a time, it's a game, Temrash loves to play it until he's begging for mercy or death. Over and over and over and over again. And no one noticed anything was wrong.
< I'll just hurt him again. > He shivered again. Thinking of Jake, thinking of his hand on Jake's wrist on the first day of first grade for Jake. Thinking of warmth and trust and I'llalwaysprotectyou.. Thinking of the guarded look, the lack of trust, so much timeandspaceanddistance between them as though he may never be able to close it again, and both of them broken and neither knowing how to reach out and bridge that gap without memories and pain coming between them again.
no subject
Then Danny and the girl in red was with her in the sky, her thanking them for saving her, a deep love and appreciation for both.
< Sometimes it happens. But he knows you don't want to hurt him. And it's better to have you than not have you. You can't do anything while dead, Tom. >
no subject
< It doesn't make it any easier to know I have. > The words were soft, and if he had eyes, he would have closed them.
< I don't want to think. I don't want to put the pieces together, because Iniss will know and Jake will be hurt. I don't want Jake to be hurt. I just want everything to stop. >
He wanted First day of school, Jake's hand in his. Trust and faith and belief that everything would turn out ok. Loving his brother with every single part of him. "I'll protect you Jake."
< If I stop, I can't hurt him anymore. I can't hurt Rachel. I can't hurt any of the rest of them. It will just keep going. I'll keep hurting them. I don't want to hurt them anymore. It's so hard. >
And yet, helplessly, unable to fight her anymore than he'd fought the yeerks, he thought of seeing Jake, and talking with Jake, and crying so hard that Iniss couldn't bury. Of Jake's hands on his face and brushing his tears away. Of showing Jake his favorite place on the ship. Of playing video games with Marco. Of talking with Sam and making friends that were his friends. It was almost harder to matter again.
no subject
< But I know it's not the choice he wanted. And I know you know that too. Just a little more time and his fear will have no basis and you two can talk and hang out and be the family you wanted because that is what Stacy DOES. Here, things that may be impossible aren't anymore. >
< You're the only one who can keep Jake from breaking. You're the only one in all of the multiverse who can help Jake recover from even thinking he had to make that order completely. Tom, his brother, is the only one who can do it. > There was pleading and pain and just knowing her words were true. Tom was the only one who couldn't make it go away completely. He was the only one who was ever the option for it.
no subject
He had held himself together for Jake for so long, and even if the act of getting back up again hurt so deeply it would probably linger for the rest of his life. He would do it. Because Jake was more important than all the yeerks and all the battles and orders and moral event horizons in the universe.
maybe I am just an echo, lingering when I should have faded. But if I can give Jake anything, I'll stay a little bit longer. I have to.
no subject
no subject
It was a quiet statement, an almost depressed one. Most would have rejected it, but Tom had long ago gotten over not having privacy. Yeerks took that to an entirely new level of invasive. Dani was at least trying to help. < Maybe. I don't believe in happy endings anymore. Jake needs me. I'll keep going. As long as I can. >
He was trying, that was all he could give her.
no subject
< There's never a complete happy ending, but we can find enough happiness, as long as we can still look for it. > She pulled away Iniss' control, making sure that Tom could move his body now, that he was that much aware.
no subject
< I know. >
NothingnothingIamnothingbecauseifthereisnothingitcan'tbreak
It was a hold over from Temrash. A hold over from the intensive training. His fingers dropped to the bed, tracing slow circles on the living fabric, letting her feel what he was feeling and the conscious effort it took not to burst into helpless sobs every time he moved his hands. Because he couldn't, always, and for a long time the ability to move his hands was paramount to becoming president. No freedom at all, tempting little dribbles of lies and cages and screaming because he could and listening to the girl next to him hum a hymn because her lips were her own and she could and the guards wouldn't stop her as long as she was quiet.
< I'm still here. > that's all the strength I have
no subject
< I'm going to leave. Iniss is sort of semi-conscious, so he'll probably be a bit more out of it than usual for this sort of thing. > Leaving the usual overshadow target usually gave them a feeling of waking up, so it was probably weirder with half awake one already.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)