"Back home, we just call 'im Cap'n Tightpants," Kaylee tells Elle cheerfully, hands in her pockets, beaming oh so innocently at Mal. She is the picture of innocence. Really. "He don't take too kindly to that sometimes, though. Think he's a bit self-conscious about how much he's got fillin' the pants, in the back end."

You're humped, Mal.