"Wow," Julian slow-clapped, "you really showed me. I am both humbled and deeply, deeply ashamed of my actions." Except not.

"I'd offer you a beer, but you're what? Twelve?" He shrugged, as if to say 'too bad'.

"But I'll leave you here to sleep with your lizard, since I get the feeling that it will be the only thing that'll be willing to sleep with you for a very long time."