Silence & Reflection

[ladyofthesands.livejournal.com]

There was never truly silence.  Something was always moving, people were always passing.  Even in the Sensorium, where she had thought about going, there would be noise.  It was to the Temples that Arha went to seek an approximation of silence and it was there that she remained long past the end of the day's training.  Deep meditation left her subdued and tranquil, warm, still, but a little more distant.  Her thoughts settled lightly on Luke Skywalker, examined the delicate ledge she had stood upon with him, understood each side of it, and accepted it for what it was.

It diminished nothing between them if she was to be honest.

The best she could do was put it away, to turn off the part of her that wanted to grieve for something that couldn't be.  There was a time and a place to deal with such a thing and she had so very much to accomplish before she could consider herself ready.  She would not let whatever feelings she had cloud her vision, nor provoke negativity in herself.  How could she listen to the Force if all she heard was the rumble of sorrow?  It did her no good and did her training with Obi-Wan less good.

Arha breathed in and let the calm of the Force descend, in it there was peace and comfort.

In it there was life and joy and beauty.

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[restoresbalance.livejournal.com]

He knew that presence--how could he not? Luke paused on his way back up to the living area and followed its distinct impression in the Force, guiding him to the temples and one in particular. He paused outside, ran through a breathing exercise--and then another--to calm himself. He wanted to at least make things right between them before...

Though, Luke reflected as he stepped into the temple and let himself step into the temple itself, footsteps echoing in the building, it probably wouldn't happen right away at all.

He stopped a short distance behind Arha and paused a moment before speaking quietly. "Hello, Arha."

[ladyofthesands.livejournal.com]

"Luke," she murmured almost before he'd spoken, her voice almost as much unspoken as it was barely audible. The effect was layered in a soft mental burr that pushed his name out to almost brush his mind with gentle mental fingers. There was no world and no time when her heart would not warm in his presence--and she felt that now, though she let it pass.

Arha eased herself around to face him, her expression calm, her presence no less strong, though it was more muted than usual. Her palm flicked out, welcoming as her eyes touched his. If there was any lurching on her part, it was heavily concealed to such an extent that she only felt the slightest of twinges. He was, as always and especially through the Force, (which along with her own control gave her an almost eerie, but much needed peace) beautiful. For an instant, she allowed herself to objectively contemplate that--he shone with the Force, a light in a dark place and she smiled up at him.

Kull wahad, she thought, and let out a slow, even breath.

"Sit with me?" Arha half-asked, her hair falling away from her face as her chin tilted up.

[restoresbalance.livejournal.com]

He let that mental touch wash over him, and it made him ache a little inside. What he had to tell her today, well, it wouldn't be easy at all. Luke could feel Arha holding back, and kept a sigh to himself. Would that only increase when she heard what he had to say?

He sat beside her, cross-legged on the floor of the temple. They didn't need to face each other; Luke could feel her presence beside him and in his mind it became an image of her, slender body and bright red hair, and those unusual blue-within-blue eyes that fixed on you when you spoke and held you very much captive.

"Have you been all right?" A questioning probe reached out to her along with his words. He was asking after more than her general health; what had happened between them in the Sensorium couldn't be ignored.

[ladyofthesands.livejournal.com]

"I am," she began quietly, brushing her presence gently into him, "well, Luke." Arha had nothing to hide from him and never would. She was fine, perhaps she ached in the part she'd tucked away, but it was so thickly folded over that it was a muffled, muted thing. Time would ease it as it did everything.

It was too late to not get attached to him, but she could let that attachment sit gently and not bring her misery. The Order cautioned against attachment, against love itself, for it did bring misery in the end of all things. She would not find misery, she would find the joy of it.

"I am pleased to see you, as I always will be," Arha said as gently as possible.

[restoresbalance.livejournal.com]

He smiled a little; her mental touch had always been a clean, calming one, ever since they'd 'touched' abilities. "I'm glad," he said quietly. "I was worried that after... well, you know," and Luke's cheeks flushed a little "...things would be awkward."

[ladyofthesands.livejournal.com]

"Luke," she chided in a soft voice and suppressed the desire to curl her hand around his. "Awkward is a state of mind, like fear. I value your friendship too much to let such stand. If there is any, let it go, for I will not tolerate it. You are a good man, Luke Skywalker, and I wish you to know that. I simply asked a question and it was answered. It puts nothing between us but a path that is now closed."

Her smile was soft and her lips parted slightly.

"Search my feelings, Jed-Eye," she teased him with a whisper soft brush of her mind. "I can never harbor anything ill for you, not awkwardness, nor resentment. Put those concerns away, for you have the title of a friend. Not even death itself can revoke that."

FINE. I'll tag you, sheesh. :3

[jedimacguyver.livejournal.com]

A gentle touch, at the edge of her senses, unobstrusive, delicately sympathetic, Obi-Wan Kenobi. He was standing just inside this place of peace, looking upwards with an unfocused gaze, simply admiring the play of light along the architecture, luxuriating in the peace of this place. He smiled gently at her, but said nothing. It was like a warm touch on her shoulder. I am your friend. I understand your pain. I am here.

Goddamn, you better be tagging. :o

[ladyofthesands.livejournal.com]

Arha half blinked at him and let a slow, even breath out. With it went the soft tug of her mind, a silent plea for company, a whispered come sit with me the she didn't waste breath on. Sometimes, that breezy mental touch was all she could manage, and now was one such case. Pain. It wasn't so much pain as it was the loss of a path, the slight ache of possibility that had now slid past.

But what was done was done and she let it lie.

holy shit, did aim just have a seizure, or WHAT?!

[jedimacguyver.livejournal.com]

He nodded slightly, and without a word came to sit beside her. A soft sigh slowed his breath and took up the familiar meditative stance. He asked nothing, closing his eyes, and simply being.

You broke AIM with Obi-Wan. Clearly.

[ladyofthesands.livejournal.com]

For a long moment, Arha sat there without moving and then carefully shifted to wordlessly lean her cheek against his shoulder as she closed her eyes. She forgot to care about the distance put between them, the ever proper distance, but besides the touch of her mind and her cheek against his shoulder--she did maintain just enough distance.

Just enough.

[restoresbalance.livejournal.com]

The smile on Luke's face widened, and a small wave of happiness rolled off him. "Really?" he said, blue eyes brightening. "I'm glad. I..." He bit his lip, looked down. "I wouldn't like it if things were awkward between us. You've been my friend since I arrived."

And could have been something more, his mind added. Perhaps. But Arha had said it best; the path was now closed, and there wasn't any way around it.

"There's something I have to tell you," he said quietly.

[ladyofthesands.livejournal.com]

"There will not be a time in which I am not," she said and her voice carried a note of seriousness in it. He would have to do something dire indeed to lose her loyalty.

Arha gestured, the movement fluid and graceful, and she half glanced at him. That wave of happiness was enough and the light in his eyes said this had been the right choice. If one path was denied, another would be tried. She would not turn and walk the other way after she had told him that she would walk with him.

The Force itself had pulled them together but it had been up to them to determine in what way. At least, that was her theory. Her small smile still lit her face and there it would stay.

[restoresbalance.livejournal.com]

He thought back to the last time they'd had this discussion. It had been in the temple, when he took her on a tour of it as the Sensorium rendered it. He remembered the kiss on his cheek, the way her hand had held his in the council room. Was this the culmination of that swirl of destiny that began the moment he'd met her?

"I had another dream," he said softly. "My wife was in it."

[ladyofthesands.livejournal.com]

Like Obi-Wan.

Arha very sharply remembered the dream they shared. She would have given much to bring him joy such as his and now, Stacy brought him that. Her eyes searched his face and her smile widened slightly as the light of it gathered to glimmer in her eyes. His wife. She would not acknowledge the piece of herself that wanted to cry out. It did no one any good.

His wife.

"This," she murmured, "is a good dream, then, and will bring you great joy. I am pleased your wife shall be coming to you once more." Arha meant every word of it and that shone through her words clearly.

[restoresbalance.livejournal.com]

At first Luke wasn't sure if her reaction was genuine or not; people could hide sadness behind a smile, he'd done it himself, but with a secretive probe he discovered she wasn't lying. That made him happy; she was truly happy for him, and if she felt sadness about what might have been, she was keeping it so well locked-down behind her own barriers that he couldn't tell one way or the other.

"I could introduce you--er, if you want," he said, looking over at her.

[ladyofthesands.livejournal.com]

"I would like that," Arha said, drawing her knees to her chest. She wrapped her arms around them and leaned the point of her chin against them, her expression thoughtful. "I think I would like that very much."

Perhaps part of her would not in the sense that the woman might not even like her for that moment they had shared. Once. But Arha would not have traded that moment for any other, still. It had been worth it. It was always worth walking such a path to see if it was true. She closed her eyes for a moment, flicking through a thousand scenarios. None of them would prepare her, but she would be cautious.

His wife would give him joy.

And that was all the mattered.

[restoresbalance.livejournal.com]

Luke watched her body posture; a great deal of communication wasn't with words, and Arha was clamming up. "Only if you'd be comfortable with it," he said firmly.

[ladyofthesands.livejournal.com]

"I do not wish her to think ill of me," Arha ventured after a moment of silence. "Nor of you." She leaned her cheek against her knee to glance at him. "I would not wish to give the appearance of," she searched for the proper word for much to look then sighed, "cuckolding you in any respect. I may not wish awkwardness between us, but there is much left to be said for the potential ire of a woman whose beloved you have kissed."

For all her carefulness, the wry note shone out as dry humor lit her voice.

[restoresbalance.livejournal.com]

"I don't want her mad at you either. I wouldn't want to inflict an angry Mara on anyone, you least of all." He smiled at her. "It's the least I can do for you to let her sink her claws into me instead of you."

[ladyofthesands.livejournal.com]

"I would prefer no claws at all," Arha said, a slight smile tugging at her lips. "I can deal with ire, should it come to that. I will not deny her a chance to express herself, should she need it. It is not, at all, good to repress. The situation shall be dealt with with as much grace as I can give."

Her eyes flicked to Luke's.

"I will never hurt her. Not even a scratch," she said in a very soft voice. "This you should know."

[restoresbalance.livejournal.com]

"Hey," Luke said, looking over at her. "I don't think she'll attack you for it, it's not really her style. But if she does, I want you to put up a fight, okay?" His eyes held a strange mixture of worry, anticipation, and an affection for Arha that could have been the seed of much more.

"If anyone tries to hurt you, I want you to defend yourself. I don't want to see you bleeding out like Master Kenobi was until you healed him."

[ladyofthesands.livejournal.com]

"I will not hurt her," Arha said in a firm voice. "If needed I will move out of the way, but I refuse to cause her harm. As for others, I will defend myself only when it becomes obvious they wish to take my water. I am, always, a healer first. What I harm, I will heal."

Arha let out a soft sound and nodded.

"I am to walk next to you both it seems and I will not have bad blood between us. She may take all the offense she wishes, but I shall give her no reason to stay angry."

Obi-Wan: *pose*, AIM: *passes out*

[jedimacguyver.livejournal.com]

He reached out and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. Distance was one thing, and comfort another, but they had become friends over the past weeks. He owed her this as surely as he knew his own name. Sometimes it was enough, to talk, or to sit alone and meditate, and sometimes it was not. No promises or questions, nothing asked, nor needed, only this moment of serenity between them.

Sometimes it was enough, just to share warmth.

[ladyofthesands.livejournal.com]

Arha very carefully leaned into him, half burying her face against his shoulder and let herself soak in the comfort he offered. This moment, too, would pass like many others, so she would enjoy it for as long as she could. The peace of it was what she needed the most.

And it was a much needed balm no matter how far down she hid the pang of it. Come the next day, she would be better. Drowning herself in her training would be beneficial and reaffirming her dedication to the Jed-Eye path in this moment cleared her vision of distraction. That said, denial was a powerful weapon and she chose to wield it with skill.

Everything would be fine.

She had faith in that.

[restoresbalance.livejournal.com]

Luke sighed; why did it always end up being the stubborn ones that wormed their way into his heart?

"I'm sure we'll all be able to work things out," he said quietly, and put a hand on her shoulder. "We're all in this together, anyway, and I don't want the people I care about fighting."

[ladyofthesands.livejournal.com]

"We will all be fine," Arha murmured, letting her fingers slide reassuringly across his knuckles with a light squeeze. "This I promise, Luke. There may be a period of difficulty, but those moments will pass." She let her fingers fall away from his hand and smiled.

[restoresbalance.livejournal.com]

Some of the tension had eased. Luke smiled and stood, feeling better than he had when he came in. "Thanks, Arha." He sighed softly. "I'm still a little worried, but you've helped ease it."

[ladyofthesands.livejournal.com]

"There is no reason for worry," she murmured, glancing up at him. "All worry does is make you look upon something with a clouded mind. It will be an occasion to celebrate, not to worry over. Celebration comes too infrequently these days not to mark." A very soft smile lit her face for a moment. "I am pleased I could offer a little relief, as always. "

She paused and dipped her head slightly.

"You are welcome."

[restoresbalance.livejournal.com]

He was not sure how to end this, so he settled for a little squeeze on the shoulder and a small smile. "...I'll see you later, Arha." He sent her feelings of happiness and gratitude as he left, heading off.