trans_9 | I Think They Call It An Epiphany (Man That's A Big Word)

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I Think They Call It An Epiphany (Man That's A Big Word)

"Dude," Paco said, dope-slapping Jaime upside the head. "What the hell are you doing?"

After a round of swiftly-uncomfortable conversation and several more of much more fun Mario Kart, Paco had set off to locate his best friend and find out in what possible universe it made sense to make a hot super hero chick who was into you feel emo. Without a very good reason, that was a thing that made no sense at all.

Jaime probably had a very good reason. And unless he spilled it, Paco was going to have to whack him upside the head again.

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"Ow," he says, dropping his omnicom and raising a hand to rub his head. "Getting hit in the head, apparently. Why am I getting hit in the head?"

"Because you're keeping your brain in the other end, apparently." Paco plopped down beside him. "And while I've kept my brain in that general vicinity more than once, it's very unusual for you.

"So. Tell me about Mia."

"What are you--"

Oh. Oh, that.

Jaime picks up his omnicom again in a fiddly and clumsy kinda fashion, and looks back to his work and mutters, "She's nice. I guess."

"Yep, she's nice," Paco agreed. "And that totally explains why you're avoiding her and screwing with her head." He nudged Jaime in the ribs with his elbow. "Seriously, you're acting like a dipstick and it's weirding me out. What gives?"

A sigh.

"First it was the Traci thing. I mean, it's long past the time of our little rule now, but...you know. It didn't feel right. It still doesn't, a little."

He fiddles more with his omnicom.

"Part of it is I've genuinely been really busy, trying to figure all this out, to get us home. Worrying about you and the Yeerk thing. All the crap that's gone on."

More fiddling.

"Mostly it's 'cause every time I'm around her, I can't shake the feeling she's gonna jump me or--" He sucks in a deep breath. "--or I'm gonna jump her."

He says this like it's a bad thing.

First two are legitimate. Paco would buy them just fine; they're the sort of reasons not to date that make Jaime, Jaime.

The third one made Jaime Jaime too, but it was a little hard to listen to with a straight face -- unless you knew the back story. Which Paco did.

"Okay, first two are perfectly fine, although I still say you need to not be obsessing so much. Hence my new team. But it's not the you-and-her-not-dating that's the problem, it's the you-avoiding-her. Which brings us to number three."

He slung his arm around Jaime's shoulders. "There is nothing wrong with thinking a girl is smoking hot, and not every girl you think is smoking hot is going to be a psycho. I promise."

"But a lot of them are, and I just really don't like jumping into it when it's like that, 'cause I don't know--I just like it better when it's just a little more...casual."

He'd been crazy attracted to Traci, definitely, but not in the kinda way where he felt like he'd been sucker punched to the gut.

"I kinda like the friends first thing--but it's really hard to see her as just a friend--and I'm really overthinking this, aren't I. But I mean, come on, look at the track record. The nice-relationship-to-thinking-with-the-wrong-head ratio is a little skewed in the direction of the latter."

"Yes, a lot of people are psychos. On the other hand, the fact that she's a cape? Leaning in the direction of the exact same kind of crazy you dig," Paco pointed out, very logically in his opinion. "And yes, you're over-thinking it. I'm not going to TMI you with the details of my girl-capades, but the wrong head has done some thinking that didn't blow up in anyone's face. In the bad way."

Cough.

"But you've got to get back up on the horse, man. We talked about this. If you don't want that to happen with Mia right now, that's cool. But you can't leave her hanging like this. You don't have to tell her that the last girl you felt this much groinal attraction to turned out to be livin' la vida loca, but you do have to talk to her."

"But what the heck do I say? 'Hey, Mia, sorry I've avoided you. It's just my experience in the past with girls I've wanted to instantly bonk as much as you has kinda been bad, so it makes me nervous and avoidey. Sorry my wanting to bonk you weirds me out because when it comes to sex, I have a kinda spazzy thing going on 'cause the last few times I was all cachonda over a girl, they were just out for some buena onda and didn't really care about me much and dragged me around by the pito until I wised up. By the way, please don't be offended that I unconsciously am afraid you'll be like various kinda cheap girls I knew. I promise it's just unconscious.'"

Jaime gives Paco a look to emphasis the point that figuring out what to say is difficult.

"'P.S. Stop groping me, even though I do enjoy it.'"

"I am so glad I'm not trying to get into your pants."

Paco scrubbed a hand over his face. "Jaime, of the two of us, you're the one who could actually pull off the "I've been hurt before" line without looking like a sleezeball-liar. Go with that. She'll either understand it or she won't, but either way she won't be wondering what the hell's going on in your head and you won't be hiding from a hot girl in the basement."

"It's understandable. My belt buckle may as well be a Rubik's Cube," he says to the first thing.

As for the second...

"You're right. I know. It's just...wow, that is so lame to have to say. Even if it's true."

"That I can't fix," Paco admitted. "Unless you want to frame it up like it's a benefit somehow. Maybe she likes the chase."

"I don't think I can pass that one off as a good thing." Deep sigh. "But I'll talk to her."

Man, he feels stupid.

"She gets to slowly seduce you and repair your wounded soul?" Paco suggested. He made a face. "No, that sounds like a horrible TV movie. Don't say that." He took a deep breath and blew it out. "Either way, it'll be better than where you're at now."

And hey, one of them ought to be getting some from a sexy super-heroic archer.

"My life should not be remotely reminiscent of the Lifetime channel."

He pushes a hand through his hair.

"And I still feel guilty about Traci. I know we made our agreement, and I mean, it was a casual thing, we're both just in high school, but..."

There's that nagging sense of loyalty. It's pretty much one of his defining traits. He's usually willing to put it above his own happiness, too.

"Then don't do anything," Paco said. "If you're still hung up on Traci, you're still hung up on Traci. Weird circumstances, etc. Making out with someone and having it make you feel bad isn't going to make anything better."

Jaime head-desks.

"Why do I make this so complicated for myself?"

"That is between you and your various glands," Paco teased. "On my end, I've narrowed it down to hot girls making your brain shut down, or you getting a secret, masochistic thrill out of it."

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I Think They Call It An Epiphany (Man That's A Big Word)

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